Loving Him Still
by Zlorecile
Summary: Calista knew what she had to do. She knew that it was the only way to protect her loved ones. Even though it condemned her to insanity, loneliness, and perhaps even death. Sequel to What Words Lack. OC X Gaara.
1. Prologue: Is it real?

So it's up! The sequel! This will be a lot different from the previous story. A lot darker... and a lot different than anything I have written. For a while I was scared that my readers wouldn't like what I am going to do. But then I thought about it and realized that while people liking my story is important, it's also important that I like it. Even if everyone in the world was a fan of it, I wouldn't be happy if I hated it! So here goes nothing! I hope you enjoy :) I really do!

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><p>"Butterfly… Butterfly…" The words slipped from my lips as if uttered by a robot. A machine with no feelings. Just like me. "Butterfly."<p>

A blue butterfly landed on my finger. I couldn't tell which finger. Despite the blood coating the digit, the little legs stayed pure. It was my only hint that this was a hallucination. A figment of my imagination. Those were so common I had stopped trying to tell them apart from reality. Now they were just something I deciphered to pass the time. A game of sorts. It was all I could do in this cell.

How long had I been here? A week? A month? A year? A minute? Was I even here at all?

The ground was cold. The air was cold. And yet I was not cold. This was no hallucination. I had deduced that much. But I should have been cold. But it made sense that I was not. I was not much of anything.

A dribble of water oozed from somewhere in the room. Irregular drops fell against concrete, singing an ugly song. The ground was moist, and reeked. It smelt of blood and other body fluids. And not all of it was mine. Some, but not all. They had given up on the basic torture methods to get information out of me. But that did not mean the pain was gone. My hair was matted. With sweat or blood I would know not. Perhaps a mixture of both. Perhaps it was not real.

"Are you real?" I turned my head towards the dropping of water. "No… no you are not real."

The butterfly on my finger was gone. I did not know when it left. "No… you are real."

"No… you aren't real." Vacillating between the two I muttered to myself over and over again, propped up against the stone wall. "Are you real?" I asked it.

It was real. This cell was real.

This room was called the Honesty room. Yet nothing they did could get me to be honest. It wasn't like I had anything to say anyways. I took the punishment and the pain. I took it as karma. Revenge for all the suffering I had brought. Perhaps it was not even real.

And then it was not the honesty room. Then it was a regular cell. Then the torture tools were gone. "Are you real?"

And so it continued. I stood, wavering. I had decided the cuts on my body were real. The fingers without nails were real. My pinky was gone. That was fake.

Was that window always there? I looked up and could barely reach the bottom of it. "Are you real?"

The moon was not full, but it was more than half full. Or was it full? I reached up, but I could not reach enough. "No… you must not be real…"

I sank back down. Not by choice. My legs gave out. I was done playing the game. I closed my eyes. Now I could not see things. But I could feel. Aches, pains. Most of those were real. I could smell the scent of the ocean. That was not real. I could smell lemongrass. That was definitely not real. I could smell blood… that was real.

No. I would not play that game anymore. I let the scents and feelings overwhelm me. Numbing my senses until I felt nothing. This was when I was at peace.

But not at peace. Nothing could put me at peace. Not since I remembered it all.

It was ironic. The past half a year all I had wanted was to regain my memories. Now that I had I wished to forget them. I would trade my life to just go back five months. Back to when it all started. When joy radiated through my little world and I had no concerns. Innocent and lovely. Bliss… But perhaps that was not real.

If only I could go back in time and redo it all.

I knew the memories might be another hallucination though. Perhaps all that pain would go away. But it had not. None of my hallucinations lasted that long.

And then the door opened. The blood in front of me shined with the light. Light that was so blinding I could see it through my eyelids. "It's not real."

"We are done here. It's time for a different approach."

"It's real." I changed my mind, opening my eyes.

I knew that voice. When I looked up two figures stood in the doorway. The scars on the mans face moved when he talked. The other was passive, hard face with his arms crossed. He was the head interrogator. The man who could search inside one's mind and unveil anything he wished. My words were directed towards the scared one though. The master of torture. Of pain. I twitched my lips up. "Fuck you Ibiki. Fuck you…"

He grabbed my arm. I could feel it. And I could feel it was real. My hair dripped forward. I frowned. When was it red? I thought it was black… "Are you real?"

"Calista. Snap out of it."

I looked up at the blonde haired Shinobi.

"You…" I muttered. "You are real. Fuck you. You are real…"

His throat moved, his Adams apple bobbing as he swallowed. "That was not real…"

The both of them jerked me upright. I noticed that my hair was white. White and red and brown and black. This was it's true color. Perhaps.

Then I was in another room. When did that happen? I thought we were walking…

"We are going to search your memories. We will find out what you know."

I looked up at the two of them. "You… you are real."

Suddenly someone was shouting. I looked towards the door. Who was being so loud?

"Let me in there! Let go of me you bastards! Let me in!"

"Naruto! Control yourself!"

"Let me fucking see her!"

Someone wanted in… the sounds were muffled but I still heard them. "That's not real."

But it was real.

Ibiki sat me down. I was in a chair. Then I was in a container. My location kept shifting. And then there was black. And for the first time my mind was clear. And I knew this was no hallucination. Inoichi had begun his search on my memories, and for every scene he played, I was forced to go back there, to live it all again.

And this was real.


	2. 5 Months Earlier: Pure Bliss

_**5 months earlier…**_

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><p>Baths were one of the true treasures found in the human world. Warm water, soaking, and getting clean. I was in love with them. It was why I was reluctant to leave the large tub in the bathroom Gaara and I shared. As soon as out engagement had been announced he'd moved me into his room. I didn't complain. I was a social person and enjoyed being close to people. Close to Gaara in particular.<p>

I checked the clock. 10:42. I had only been in the tub about half an hour. Gaara was still off doing his job and Shou was asleep in his own apartment. I wrapped a fluffy white towel around my waist and walked into the bedroom. Fat drops of water fell from my blue hair. Normally it would look white but when wet it darkened. It also lengthened a little, falling right below my underarms. There was no special cut, just a plain part in the center. I brushed it behind my ear as I opened the top drawer. The left side of it held Gaara's underwear and on the right there was mine. I was in the midst of rummaging through it when the door opened.

I spun around and my green eyes found the matching ones of the only man I would ever love. "You're finally home."

He nodded, setting his sand gourd down and removing his Kazekage cloak. He draped both of them on a chair and looked me over. "You already bathed."

"Duh." I giggled. "There's still some hot water though."

"Hmm… Come here." He ordered. His voice was not demanding like it would have been giving orders to anyone else, but light and amused.

I shook my head. My voice had been back for two and a half weeks but I still didn't use it as much as I should have. It was an adjustment.

He took a step towards me and I smiled playfully, taking a step back. It went like that until I backed up against a nightstand. I was trapped. The bed on my left, a wall on my right, and Gaara in front of me. "Calista…"

I laughed again and jumped up on the bed just as Gaara was about to grab me. He moved around it, daring me to jump off of it and onto the floor where he would get me. I faked to the left and he mirrored me. A smile was playing upon his lips.

Gaara was special. He was so used to hiding his emotions that he rarely showed them. The only times he smiled was when he was around Naruto, Kankuro, Temari, Matsuri or I. When he was in the right company he could be quite gentle and loving. Sometimes even playfully happy like now. Since I had been with him things just went uphill. Every day was filled with laughter and smiles. Despite our young age we both knew this was what we wanted. The life of a Shinobi was often very short. You had to take advantage of life. And much to our bliss nobody had objected to us. On the contrary the village celebrated when our engagement was announced. It was hard to go through the streets without a child offering a flower or a mother giving me some freshly baked goods.

"There's no escape." Gaara pointed out what should have been obvious as he ascended on me.

I laughed again, faking left once more and then jumping off the bed to the right. I had just landed and made it a few feet towards the door out of the bedroom when two strong arms wrapped around me. Pinned against the strong chest of my love. I squirmed. "Gaara!" I moaned in complaint.

"Gotcha." He teased, swinging me around and throwing me on the bed.

I couldn't help but beam at him, enjoying the game. I had almost managed to sit up when he climbed over me, pinning me down. "I win."

He kissed my lips and I pecked him back before rolling us over so I was on top looking down at him. "Says who?"

"Me." He rolled up back over. I pouted. Why did he have to be so dominant?

"hmm… What's that?" I looked over his shoulder with honest curiosity.

For such a serious guy he was incredibly gullible. He looked behind him and I took the chance to wiggle out from beneath him and stand on the bed against the wall. This time he joined me on the bed, moving closer. The way he moved back and forth with me made me realize just how trapped I was. Finally he was before me. One arm pressed against the wall and the other caressing my side.

"You're gullible." I whispered, glancing at his mouth and then up to his eyes.

His hand moved to the small of my back and his body pressed against mine. We were in such close proximity that when he breathed I could feel it, and when he spoke it was as if the air was kissing my lips in his place. "You're one to talk."

**LEMON WARNING**

I wanted to close the gap between our lips. I moved my lips closer to his but he retracted a centimeter, just enough to keep us separated. I moved again and so did he. This was a game he enjoyed because it frustrated me. It was a love hate thing. I enjoyed the excitement but it was baffling.

We continued that game for a minute, then I had enough of it and placed my hand behind his head, moving my lips to his in what was finally a kiss. He chuckled into my mouth and returned it. This was when his need to be the dominant one arose and he pushed be back against the wall, slipping his tongue into my mouth. I didn't bother fighting him for the lead but went with it, enjoying the sensations.

Before I knew what was going on, he had me on the bed beneath him, hovering over me and unwrapping the towel. No matter how often we did this I was still bashful. "Look at me."

I did, looking at all the love portrayed in his eyes. So much he couldn't bring himself to say. "I love you."

"And I you."

It was what he always said in response. I didn't mind his inability to actually return the phrase. I knew he loved me. The whole village knew it. I had selfishly asked him to give up a treaty with Iwa for me. If he had gone through with the marriage to their Kage's granddaughter peace would come to the two warring nations. But Gaara had chosen me over that. And as guilty as it made me feel I wouldn't change a thing.

Gaara began trailing kisses down my neck, stopping at my chest. Before he could do anything more I tugged at his vest.

"You want it off?"

I rolled my eyes. Together we sat up and I unhooked the clips that were keeping it on him, moving it down. "That's a little better." I mused, sliding the crimson cloak off his shoulders. His chest was now bare and I began to work on his trousers.

Gaara grabbed my hand to stopped me, bringing his fingers up to his mouth and kissing each one in turn. His kisses went up my arm and back to my lips, capturing them only for a moment before moving back down so he could finish what he started earlier, nipping at my breasts.

I squirmed in delight. "mm…"

When he stopped his movements on my chest he raised up on his elbow so he could kiss me. I was in a playful mood and decided to not give in. I rolled over on my back and pressed my face into a big white pillow. "Nope."

"You should know that won't do any good." He whispered into my ear, nibbling on it.

"mmm…" My words were muffled by the pillow.

He hovered over me, placing kisses from my neck down to the small of my back. Such small and delicate things I had goosebumps and closed my eyes, turning my head to the side and sighing contently. He started moving back up but when he reached my shoulders he didn't go back down. He went for my lips and I didn't fight him.

My mouth opened in surprise when his knee went between my legs, edging them apart. I was still fairly knew to this and didn't understand what could happen while you're laying on your stomach. Then his hand went down and I understood. I arched my back, urging him for more. He kissed me deeper and more passionately, letting a single feeling rub my clit, massaging but not entering me. He enjoyed tormenting me too much.

"Stop teasing me…" I insisted.

That was all it took for him to flip me over and position himself between my legs, slipping his pants and boxers down with a smooth movement. He kissed me hard as he entered quickly. My voice rang out. Being with Sasuke had been nice, new, and pleasurable. Being with Asuma at the hands of someone experienced had been mind-blowing. But Gaara… he was inexperienced and yet dominant. Strong and trying new things. Together the two of us were learning just how to move each other. And I never wanted to be held by anyone but him. That wasn't to say I regretted my time with Asuma, but that was in the past. It was a mistake on my part to push him like that. To tempt him to the point he really couldn't resist. But not a mistake I would take back.

And now I was with Gaara. I could stay like this forever, being held and touched and caressed by him. His name floated from my lips as if it was the only word I knew to say. He was silent but his labored breaths sang their own song. One that I loved.

One of his hands clenched my shoulder while another wrapped itself in the blanket next to me. His eyes locked on mine and he almost seemed to be concentrating. I raised my own hand to caress his cheek. "Don't worry about hurting me Gaara." For I knew that was exactly what was wrong each time we made love. He was scared of loosing track of himself and going too far. It was normal. His whole life he had hurt people. Before it was because the village made him like that and he had the nasty negative presence of Shukaku in him. Now it was something that carried over. There was always a fear in the back of his mind of chasing people away.

But my coaxes were all he needed. He lost the look of concentration and his eyes glazed over. His smooth, even thrusts became longer, harder, and his grip on my shoulder tightened. The kiss he captured me in was so fierce I gasped into it. I was not in pain. There was a little discomfort when he slammed in-each time harder than before-but it was masked by the pleasure. If anything it added, a little sweet and sour combination.

After a moment of the assault he slowed down slightly and whispered in my ear. "Turn over."

I hesitantly nodded, missing him when he withdrew and I got down on all fours. It wasn't long before he was back in me, moving with more speed and vigor since this situation allowed for it. He pushed my back down and I found myself with my breasts against the bed, hands wrapped in the blanket ahead of me.

This was rougher than normal, but not in a bad way. It was new and exciting. I let my voice flow to his rhythm and it made up for his silence. Together we enjoyed our playful practice until that knot of pleasure rose.

When I released it the experience was as numbing as ever, taking over ones whole body. Gaara pulled out, flipped me over, and entered me one last time. He went at his own pace for a few more seconds before he too released.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and he held my waste, making sure we were one body. "I'm glad things turned out this way."

He hummed an agreement and turned over. I snuggled up to his side, tracing a hand across his chest. Comfortable silence engulfed us for a few minutes before I could think of something to say. It turned out to be a question.

"You haven't sent me and Shou on a mission for a while…"

He stiffened besides me, turning his head to look at me. "Missions are dangerous…"

I smiled, chuckling a little. "Gaara I may be your Fiance… but I am still a ninja of the leaf. If anything being with you just gives me more reason to prove myself."

"Are you going to stay a ninja after we are married? I do not know how you can be a ninja of the leaf and the wife of the leader of another village. If a war was to break out it would put you in a tough situation."

He spoke wisely, and it made me think. "I couldn't revoke my ninja status to the leaf. I love everyone there too much. They gave me a life. I still have Asuma, Jiraiya, Ibiki, Inoichi, Naruto, Kakashi, Sakura, and Shikaku there. I couldn't just desert them never to see them again. I'm sure that lady Tsunade would allow me the position of ambassador permanently. Besides… with you as Kazekage I don't see conflict breaking out between the leaf and the sand. Not once Naruto is the Hokage."

Gaara sighed. "I suppose we can cross that bridge when it comes."

"So you'll give me a mission?"

His lips twitched up. "Yes. I have a protection mission. The daughter of a lord is supposedly under target."

"So I will basically be her guard? And when the bad guys come out I will protect her?"

He nodded reluctantly.

"That's so simple though! Booooring!" I whined. "Why don't you send me and Shou on some nice mission? Like take back a village being held hostage!"

Gaara's chest rumbled. "I think you're taking after Naruto a little too much."

I laughed at that. "I think that's a pretty nice compliment."

He nodded. My eyes closed as I prepared to sleep. I had a mission tomorrow after all. Finally.

_Scratch. Scratch. _

I looked up at Gaara. "I think Kiyo wants some attention too."

Gaara sighed and stood up, walking over and opening up the door to let the wolf in. Kiyo immediately launched for the bed, snuggling besides me in Gaara's place. I buried myself into his thick arctic wolf fur, trying not to laugh at Gaara's face.

"Not happening…" He mumbled, nudging Kiyo.

Kiyo yawned lazily but didn't move.

"Move him."

I giggled. "What? You don't want to sleep next to him? I think you're hurting his feelings."

Gaara narrowed his eyes at the wolf. "No."

"Night Gaara." I laughed, closing my eyes without moving Kiyo.

"Calista!"


	3. 4 Months Earlier: Whisper in the Wind

_**4 Months, 3 weeks, 6 days earlier.**_

"Gaara, relax! I'll be fine." Gaara's shoulders tensed despite my coaxing.

"I cannot get rid of this bad feeling."

He had been saying that all morning, speaking of ill omens. I kissed him on the cheek, wrapping my arms around him from behind. "You're just being difficult. I'm the Kazekage's future wife! I cant be that weak to put up with you!"

His lips twitched despite the situation. "Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

"Eh? When am I ever difficult?"

On cue, a hacking caught was heard from the corner of the Kazekage's office. My eyes narrowed at Kiyo.

"Even Kiyo recognizes it.."

"Traitor."

Gaara took my hand and led me around him to stand at his side, turning in his chair he was before me. "Calista…"

"I will be fine Gaara" I hoped the determination in my eyes proved that much. "This is an easy mission. I've faced off with the Akatsuki for crying out loud! If my luck is good enough to survive two encounters with them then I don't think some pathetic assassins can take me down."

"You are probably right… "

"Always. Now I have to get going. I promised to meet shou at the gate five minutes ago." I turned around.

Gaara pulled me back gently. Taking the hint I bent down and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. Full of love. "Stay safe Calista."

"Eh? Do you think so little of your fiancé?" I cupped his cheek.

He looked up into my eyes, vulnerable and unsure. "Of course not. Just be smart. I won't be there to watch your back. And don't get ahead of yourself or yo-"

"Or I'll wind up dead. I get it." I groaned.

Gaara sighed against my hand. "Calista… I'll see you when you get back."

"Just focus on your job as Kazekage! And take good care of Kiyo. Make sure he doesn't eat any sweets from the village children." The emotional stuff was usually easy fr me, but I was feeling unsure about something. Just my imagination probably. I let go of his cheek and stepped towards the door. "Later Gaara. I love you."

"Goodbye Calista…"

He didn't return the phrase, and for the first time it bothered me. Not because I didn't think he loved me, but because I wanted to hear it. Making a fuss was too embarrassing though.

The wind blew around me as I stepped outside, whipping my hair in all directions. An eerie feeling filled my soul. I turned around and a pale hand extended as if to reach back for the Kazekage, one that I didn't notice was mine at first. What was going on? Why did it feel odd to go like this?

_"Stay safe Calista… stay safe for me. I love you…"_

The whisper on the wind with Gaara's voice was something I might have imagined, but I took it in and held it. Now to meet up with my favorite-and only-student.

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><p><em>This chapter is the shortest I have ever written, but it's important and You'll see why in like 15 chapters XD<em>


	4. 4 Months Earlier: It Is Me You Want!

_**4 Months, 1 week earlier.**_

NO! This wasn't supposed to happen! I looked frantically to the left, the right, in front of me and behind.

"SHOU!" I shouted through the roaring fires of the villa. "SHOU!"

He heard my voice past the blazing heat and the crack of pillars falling. The fire licking them until there was nothing left to hold onto. "SENSEI!"

I finally knew where he was. Standing with his back to a burning wall, trying to avoid an advancing group of Iwa ninja. "GET HER OUT OF HERE!"

The destruction was immeasurable. The home of the feudal lord of the land of wind was immense, and this was not even his main house. For a moment I froze, looking around me. Both the east and the west wing were burnt down. The north was in a slightly better condition, and we were in the south. Trapped by fire in all directions. Fire so intense that not even my water Jutsu could put it out. We were surrounded by ninja from Iwa. I couldn't even count the numbers. Hell… I doubted Shikaku could. At least 50… perhaps 200. It was hard to tell when they all looked the same and continued coming after you.

"WE'RE TRAPPED!" Shou screamed in distress. I made a hand sign, shooting water out of my mouth and giving myself a temporary path to them. Fighting as I did so. Someone grabbed the girl we were assigned to protect while Shou was busy fighting. The ends of his red hair had been burnt off by a similar substance. Now it was the same length as mine. There was a scratch on his cheek and his back was bleeding. I brought my foot up, knocking the would-be kidnapper unconscious and taking the girl. She was crying and screaming.

"Stop." I said calmly. "Cover your mouth. Don't hyperventilate or you will inhale the smoke too fast. Good. Like that. Calm."

My coos continued to the six year old, and my feet never stopped moving. I couldn't do jutsu whilst holding this girl. "Shou."

"Yes sensei?"

"I am going to clear a path. Take the girl. Run. Get her to Suna. And… tell Gaara our mission was a failure." The words hurt me to say. I should have listened to Gaara! I shouldn't have been so cocky.

But no… I had fallen asleep while on duty. I was supposed to be protecting the girl and yet smoke was what woke me up. By then it had been too late. We were trapped by raging fires, a mountain to our backs, and an army of soldiers to our front.

We were the only ones left. Shou, the girl, and I. They had swept our own forces aside like wind and feathers. The only option I had now… was a climbing silver.

A move that Asuma had told me to never make unless you were up against an enemy so powerful it was the only way to win. Right now I was just that. These ninja were skilled Jonin, using earth style techniques and lighting style. My wind and water had little effect on them. And then there was the fire. How long had I been breathing in smoke? How long would it be until I could breath no more? I didn't want to die by smoke! I wanted to die in battle if anything.

"Sense." Shou looked at me, suspecting something.

"I'm the captain here. Don't you dare argue with me Shou or I will knock you back down to Genin rank!"

"Y-yes Sensei…" He held onto the girl as I passed her along.

I had to make it last long enough. Whatever technique I used had to stop the roaring fire for about fifteen meters. And it had to stop it long enough for those two to run the distance. "Ice Style: Twin Dragon Blizzard!"

"NO!" Shou cried.

He knew the consequences of this. Summoning such a powerful technique with water could drain me, doing it without would leave me void of Chakra. I held on though, forcing the dragons from my hands. They knocked everything out of the way, freezing the path and men who stood in it.

"Go!"

Shou took a step before looking back. Tears in his eyes.

I smiled at him, never stopping my fighting, fending people off from following them.

"SHOU! GO! Get her to safety!"

"Fine! You better be right behind us!" He clenched his fists, turning.

"Tell Gaara I love him…" I whispered after him. I didn't think he would here but he turned back in shock. I thought he was going to try and return but the ceiling between us collapsed, along with my only escape out.

Ninja started to clear the rubble, jumping over it to go after them.

"STOP!" I shouted as loud as I possibly could. "IT'S ME YOU WANT!"

They did stop, turning and hesitating. My mask tore as I yanked it down and off. "IT IS I! WHITE DRAGON OF THE LEAF! BRIDE TO THE KAZEKAGE! STUDENT OF ASUMA OF THE 12 GUARDIAN NINJA! IT IS ME YOU WANT!" My voice boomed through the night, dwarfing the crackles of fire.

Fatigue… it was coming now. I would not win this fight. It would likely be my last. But I would not give up. I would fight and I would buy Shou time. As much time as I could.

"Gaara, Shou, Asuma, Jiraiya, Naruto, Kakashi, Shikaku, Ibiki, Inoichi…" I thought of them and felt refreshed. Like I could fly as I soared across the Shinobi, attacking and defending.

Someone cut my arm.

My leg was burnt.

Ash got in my eye.

A rock jutsu crushed my hand. It was useless.

Slowly my injuries added up, and slowly my success rates of one-hit K.O. dimmed. I smiled, loosing track of what I was doing. I no longer felt the cuts. I no longer smelt the burns. I only thought of the people of the village I loved. This mission was a failure, but we had protected the princess…

The wind blew. I felt something go through my shoulder. But I did not feel the pain. I felt nothing.

The fire dimmed into something black.

I fell forward.

I had lost.

"G…aara…"


	5. 4 Months Earlier: Calista No More

**_4 months 6 days earlier..._**

I was still alive. But I was weak, and chained to a stone wall. I could only tell that by the feeling. When I opened my eyes I was confused. It seemed like they were still shut. But then it clicked that this was just absolute darkness. Where was I? I needed to think. I didn't have any chakra for some reason, and even if I did my hands were chained so I couldn't make a hand sign.

Why was my chakra completely gone? I should have some left. When I concentrated I could feel the chains on my wrist. It was them! They were draining my chakra steadily. So slow it was at the same rate I would have recovered it. Keeping me weak. Useless.

"So you're awake."

Where did that voice come from? It was clear I was not among friends. That voice was anything but pleasant. If only I could tell where it was coming from.

Something grabbed my chin. A hand. Yes. I could still not see.

"It's true. You really are the Kazekage's bitch."

His breath smelt fowl; I yanked my head to the side. A mixture of rotting meat and body odor.

"You have information on two villages that are very precious to Iwa."

The fool! Now I knew what village he was from. I had been captured by the ninja that attacked once I was too fatigued to continue on. Why I hadn't made the connection before was probably a mixture of things. Fatigue and hunger among them. I didn't sense anyone else in the room asides from this man in the room I was in. Shou and the girl must have made it. Thank goodness.

"Are you going to cooperate? This won't be nearly as painful if you tell us what we want to know."

I spat where I thought his face was. Based on his response and the slap that he placed across my face, I hit my target.

"Bitch." He grabbed my chin, "You're going to wish you responded differently."

And then I was alone. Relief flooded my body. They wanted information? It would be smart. They could use it to plot against two villages. And I knew far too much. I knew about the Akatsuki, I knew about the politics of Suna. Gaara had confided more than he should have in me at night when we laid in bed talking. I knew the hidden leaf strategies, the way our ninja moved. I knew weaknesses of key shinobi. Too much!

If they found out it could lead to mass destruction. Naruto would be captured by the Akatsuki in the mess and it would all be my fault.

The reasonable solution would be suicide. I could bite my own tongue, or slow down my heart until it stopped. But there was a chance of being rescued. A chance that a ninja team was looking for me right now. If only I could hold out long enough for them to get to me. For Gaara to save me.

Giving up faith in the leaf and the sand was not an option. I would live.

But that was easier said than done.

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><p><em><strong>4 Months Earlier…<strong>_

Pain. Torture by pain. By genjutsu. By every means they could think of. Some unspeakable. That is what I went through as they tried to squeeze information out of me. If it was not for the strength of my loved ones I might have caved. As it was I was beginning to break. If someone didn't come soon… I didn't know what I would do.

Time passed. Because I never saw light I did not know how long I had been there. I tried to judge by my wounds. Some of them were already starting to close. It had been days… maybe weeks. Would anyone really come and rescue me?

Doubts. They were poison to someone in my position. Sometimes a voice in my head would whisper: "Tell them! The pain will stop. They will release you from it if you just tell them."

But I couldn't. I would distract myself with memories when that came. Most of them were of Gaara. Some of them were of Jiraiya. Others of Asuma or Ibiki or Naruto or Shikaku.

"You alive?"

I didn't respond to the man. I had become familiar with his voice. Sometimes I would try to guess what he looked like. I knew his hair was short. I knew he was toned. He must have been a ninja. He was tall too. And I only knew that because I had close contact with his body on several occasions. His breath did not stink at least. He was not the stinky one. That was good. The stinky one was even worse.

I barely felt the slap; I was so used to them.

"Bitch. This type of interrogation isn't going to work on ya. So we brought someone else in."

Something happened and my eyes were filled with… was that light? It burned. I closed them and kept them shut. It was so bright! I wanted them to turn it off.

"Dim the light."

That was a new voice. The light became so dim it was manageable for me. When I opened my eyes I saw two people. The tall ninja I was familiar with was standing next to one in a cloak. Both of them had Iwa headbands on.

"I will search her memories. She's weak so this won't take long."

He took a step forward and my heart sank.

NO! I was too weak. I couldn't resist someone who had a mind-reading Jutsu.

And nobody was going to save me.

Death. Death was the only way to keep my village safe. But I couldn't kill myself now! Not fast enough. If I bit my tongue or slowed my heart it would still take a few minutes for death to come. By then he would have seized my conscious and completed what he wanted.

Shit… shit… think Calista!

A memory clouded my vision.

I was no longer in the rocky cave, but sitting on the porch of someone's house.

Ibiki walked out with two cups of a hot liquid. I took one and looked up at him, a notepad in my hand. _I've been thinking Ibiki-sama… when you and Inoichi try to get information out of people… is there any way they can stop themselves from talking?_

Ibiki looked at me and sighed, setting his cup down. "Well. There are Jutsu's people can put on others to stop them from talking. Sometimes it just halts you, other times it can kill you. But in order for that to happen it has to be specific. And few ninja can do it."

_So then if I was captured and my mind was searched there'd be nothing I could do?_

"Well." Ibiki rubbed his chin. "Some ninja know how to purge their own memories."

_Eh? You mean like getting rid of them"_ I looked up at him with large innocent eyes. _That sounds horrible!_

"Purging your memories is a skill I only teach select Jonin level Shinobi. It's a complex art. You could purge only parts of your memory if you had time. If you're in a hurry you can purge it all."

_Is there a way to get your memories back? Once you got rid of them that is?_

Ibiki shook his head. "I've only heard of one case where that happened, and that was a freak thing. Once you get rid of them it's for good. It's not a skill to be used unless you are faced with dire circumstances where you know you will betray your village elsewhere."

_Ibiki… can you teach me? _

"No."

_But Ibiki! I want to know! I promise I won't ever use it! But it's better safe than sorry._

The scared man put a hand on my shoulder. "It's a Jonin level skill."

I scribbled fiercely on my pad. _But I could handle it. It's not like I would ever use it. And… well… capture is something any shinobi faces. I'm about to go training with Asuma. What if something happens?_

Slowly Ibiki's resolve was cracking. Just one more push. _I admire you and Inoichi. I will never belong to the intelligence division with my brain, but it would be nice to have a little bit of a head start._

Ibiki almost cracked a smile. "Fine. I'll show you the basics but you have to promise to never use this."

_Thank you Ibiki! _I wrapped my arms around his shoulders in a hug, ignoring how stiff he had become when faced with emotions.

I snapped back to reality. The reality of the situation and what I had to do weighed heavy on me. I would lose all my memories. I didn't have time to pick through it all. I would forget about the training I did with Sasuke. I would never remember how Tsunade would hit Jiraiya when she thought he hit on me. I would forget Asuma throwing his shoes at Kakashi. I would forget Kakashi helping me understand about Sasuke. I would forget Shogi with Shikaku and Shikamaru. I would forget messing around with Naruto and just having fun. Taijutsu training with Lee. Girl talk with Sakura and Ino. Barbeque with Choji. Playing with Kiyo and Kiba and Akamaru. Loving Asuma. Helping Shou. And being engaged to Gaara.

But I would save the villages and the people in them.

Closing my eyes I searched, grabbing hold of my mind. "Forgive me Gaara."

The intelligence ninja launched forward, putting a hand to my forehead before cursing loudly. "SHIT! She purged them! FUCK!"

"W-what?" The other one stammered.

"Her memories. She knew how and she purged all of them."

"What do we do now?"

"Use her however you want and then dispose of her. I'm done here." The flapping of his cloak and the stomping of his fuming steps signaled that he was gone.

A smile graced my lips as blackness engulfed me. I did not know why I was smiling.

The girl known as Calista to all, was no more.


	6. 3 Months Earlier: I Will Follow You!

**_3 Months 2 weeks earlier…_**

Where was I?

Who was I?

How did I get here?

What was happening to me?

Those questions never ceased to run through my conscious, begging and looking for the answer. But I had none. I didn't know. I was blank. I knew nothing but I knew everything. Was there more to know? How could I tell?

"Ey get up bitch!"

My eyes looked into the ugly brown ones of a man with bad breath. Were they not done with me? I didn't know what they wanted but they always made me hurt. They'd do things to me that made me uncomfortable. That made me want to scream and claw at them.

"W-why?" I asked, frightened. Like a child I stood from the black cave and bowed my head, following the man with bad breath.

"Aren't you done with her yet?" Called another as I was dragged through a camp. "It's my turn!"

"Shut the hell up! You'll get her when I'm done with her! You took forever last time too so don't complain!" Stinky breath yelled back.

The camp was in a rocky area with ten tents and more than twenty men. I never snooped around so I didn't know the exact numbers.

"Why am I here?" I asked. Again. It was a daily thing, asking at least one question.

"You were sold to us. Your boy didn't want you anymore." The grin on his face made me shrink back.

"What boy?"

"Just shut up." He snapped.

I obeyed. I never got it. They answered differently each time and it was always a nasty answer. Sometimes I was sold and other times I came of my free will. Why would I go with them though? They were not that nice. Or perhaps they were the same as everyone else out there and I was weird.

"Do you know my name?" I asked as I was pulled inside of a tent.

"I said shut up bitch!" He slapped me. I whimpered, shrinking down. "That's better."

He reached for my 'top'. If it could be called that. It had once been a sweater over a fishnet tank top, but now it was just a rag covering what it had to. The same went for once-white bottoms.

I didn't look at the man when he pushed me down, but glanced at my ring finger. A silver band with an aqua green gem was seen. I wondered where I got it, but I didn't know. It calmed me down when I was upset. And the man standing over me always made me upset.

The man stopped his movements when we heard screams of pain and agony from outside the tent. So sudden and quick to be cut off I would have thought I was imagining it if they didn't start up again minutes later. Curiously I opened my eyes. Was it a fight? Were we under attack? As much as I hated these men I was afraid of what could pose a threat to them. They seemed so strong!

"I'll Fucking slaughter you all! Do you see this Lord Jashin! All these Sacrifices are for you! All of them!"

That laughter belonged to a maniac. A scary one. I could tell.

"Shit, shit!" The stinky breath man hissed, pulling his pants up and grabbing a kunai lying on the tent floor. I shrank back to a cloth corner and wrapped my arms around my knees. It gave me some modesty and it made me feel safe. Whoever was out there causing these men to scream… I didn't want to find out. Maybe if I stayed quiet they wouldn't notice I existed.

The tent flap opened and I watched in utter horror as stinky-breaths head rolled to the side. I didn't see it happen it was so fast. A large red scythe was replacing it. I shoved my head into my arms, shaking like a leaf. I wished it to be fast. I prayed that he would end it just as he had stinky breaths.

Instead of cold metal, fabric wrapped around me. "Oi! Kakuzu! I got her!"

My head peeked up from behind my arm. Standing in front of me shirtless was the man with the red tri-blade scythe. He had white hair with purple eyes. His skin was pale like mine. The fabric I felt around me was a black cloak with red clouds, wrapped tightly so nothing would be exposed.

"Hey! What kind of face is that! Yer bro comes to save ya and all you can do is cry? Since when were you so weak?" He bent down, practically yelling.

"B-brother?" My face went from horror to surprise to curiosity. The never said I had a brother. Was he the one who sold me?

He smirked. "Duh! Wh- wait…. You can talk?"

"Have… have I ever not been able to?"

"Eh! What the fuck?" Hidan moved closer. I flinched back. I didn't like the proximity. "Yer Calista alright."

"Calista?"

"Yer name! Dumb bitch."

I swallowed. Whoever this man was… he knew me. He called himself my brother. He was more than that though. He was my savior, rescuing me in my darkest time. Like a light finally letting me see. I felt no remorse for the dead out there. They did horrible things, and If this man killed peope like that, then he was good. "Did you come for me?"

"Are you ok in the head?"

"I don't know…" I confessed. Was it normal to not even know who this man proclaiming to be my brother was.

"Why are ya acting like you don't know me?"

"Because I don't…"

"Fuck. Did those damn Konoha ninja mess with your mind or something?"

"Konoha?" I tilted my head.

He stopped, looking down at me with wide eyes. "Do you know what day it is?"

"N-no…"

"Year?"

"No..."

"Do ya know a guy named Gaara?"

"Should I?"

"Ugh. I can deal with this later. We gotta get outta this place. Kakuzu's gonna have my head!"

His hand stretched down towards me and I didn't hesitate as I took it. He was the one. My brother. A good person. No… even if he wasn't it didn't matter. He had saved me and I owed him my life. I decided right then that I would follow this man. My brother. I would put my faith in him. In the one that had given me life. Till the death of us both….

_I would follow him._


	7. 3 Months Earlier: A New Hate

Okay so I did not mean for this chapter to be so long. It has a nice refresher of what she is at the end of it. And this is important the sort of person she slowly turns into. Also, it's a little Hidan time for her

Sadly I am beginning to realize that there will be less romance in this story and a lot of angst and action. The ending will have plenty though so don't worry! And there will be tidbits here and there.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Present Day...<strong>_

The pressure on my mind slowly faded and I was praying panting. Each breath I took hurt as if I was trying to breath in cold air after running around the village. I prayed to the lord that Ibiki would cease his search now; that he had enough and he wouldn't continue the torture.

"She purged her memories." Inoichi spoke to Ibiki. I was too busy gasping to give any input. Not that I would.

"Just now? What?" His eyes went to me. I could tell because mine were open, staring at him in return. That's right. I wanted him to remember that he was the one who taught me the skill.

"No. When she was captured by the Iwa nin, she purged her memories to protect Konoha and Suna." Inoichi looked back at me and I met his gaze as well. There was a sadness in them. My mind was still clear so I was aware that this was no hallucination.

"How can you tell?"

"Because she remembered."

"What?" Ibiki snapped his head from mine to Inoichi's.

"I don't know how… I'm eager to find that out myself." He turned back towards me and moved his hand to my forehead.

"No…" I mumbled, letting my voice grow slowly. "No… stop…"

Inoichi avoided eye contact and closed his eyes.

"NO! STOP! I'll do anything! I'm begging you! Don't make me relive it again! Please!"

My cries fell on deaf ears and I was shoved brutally back into the past. Inoichi was about to find out just who and what I was.

* * *

><p><em><strong>3 months earlier...<strong>_

I had blisters on top of blisters on the bottom of my feet. I hadn't known that was possible until I started traveling with Hidan and Kakuzu. I complained a lot to them but I never actually hated it. It was better than the place I had been before. I got to see so many new things with them. We traveled to different places, fought people, and Hidan was training me to be like them.

He called what I had the White Power. It was the ability to make something out of nothing. I liked it because it was fun. My brother was still stronger and cooler than me, as brothers should be, but I could block his scythe every once in a while!

I loved my brother. Even though I was just getting to know him again after losing my memories, that much was apparent. It was the love for a family member and I wondered if I would feel this way for my parents when or if I met them. Hidan never talked about them though.

Not only did I love him, but I admired him. I wanted to be like him. To fight and move and talk and walk like him. He was my world. My savior. When I had been tortured on a daily basis he made the sky rain red with the blood of my attackers. That was why I would fight for him alone. Why I would die for him. Not that it was necessary. You couldn't kill Hidan. That was how cool he was!

"Ne... Oniisan?" I asked cheerfully. "What are we doing in the land of tea? It makes me want tea! White tea. The kind you got me before!"

"I only got you that tea because you were sick! Don't expect too much! Stupid bitch." He turned. He wasn't glaring though.

Hidan was… different. A little on the insane side, and he killed people way to easily… not to mention he did that weird ritual thing. The one thing I refused to do for him was convert. He'd stopped pushing it for the most part. But despite all of his crazy faults, he had good moments. He could feel the same emotions I could, they were just less common and he had to be around the right people.

"You still didn't answer me! Where are we going?" I whined.

Hidan shrugged, looking at Kakuzu. "Where are ya taking us?"

Kakuzu said nothing, not even bothering to respond.

"Eh! Oniisan! You should carry me!" I grabbed onto the back of his matching cloak and hung onto it.

"Ey! Knock it off! Why the hell did they let you into Akatsuki? It's supposed to be for strong people! Not wimps like you!"

I pouted. "Not my fault I have blisters on the bottom of my feet! Just carry me. You carried me at first!"

"That's cause ya couldn't walk!" He reminded me.

Kakuzu stopped walking and we stared at him. We were in a grassy field. Hidan and I tilted our head in unison confusion.

"We rest here for tonight." Kakuzu turned away.

I grinned and flopped back, laying down and staring up at the sky. The stars were already out and ablaze. "Finally! My poor feet!"

Hidan sat next to me. "Wimp."

"Bully."

"Bitch."

"Asshole."

"Whore."

"Slut."

"Cocksucker."

"Son of a b-"

"Enough!" Kakuzu raised his voice, hoarse and raspy as ever.

Though I was angry at how he cut me off I did as he wanted and went quiet. When Hidan laid down I scooted closer to him until I was laying with my shoulder against his. He didn't complain. It felt best to sleep near someone. I didn't know that was a new thing since I had amnesia or not. "Hey.. Oniisan?"

"Hmm?"

"How come you never tell me about mom and dad?" I said thoughtfully and quiet as to not disturb Kakuzu.

"Cause they ain't worth mentioning."

I blinked in surprise. "Eh? How can you say that about mom and dad Oniisan? It's disrespectful!"

Hidan rolled over, looking away. "You don't know what sort of assholes they were."

"Did you not get along with them?" I tried to guess. I didn't understand how someone could not like their parents. Then again, Kakuzu never mentioned his either.

"They liked me just fine. Not at first, but when I got older I was the fucking golden child."

"Then what's the problem?"

"They hated you."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I was silent for a few minutes. Hated me? "I don't understand… I mean what did I do wrong? You're joking right Oniisan?"

More silence flowed and made me feel uncomfortable. Hidan couldn't be serious. A parent hating their child was as hard to comprehend as a child hating their parents. It made no sense at all. When the silence went on for a few more minutes I finally nudged him. "Oniisan?" Patience wasn't my best quality. I think I got that from my brother.

"Cause we were both freaks. That's why they hated me at first. I was too cool for them. Always fighting and killin and everything else a Shinobi should do. Then when I got older that weak ass Kage found me as a useful tool. Suddenly I wasn't too bad of a kid. I broke the record for youngest Jonin and they thought I was amazing." Hidan explained a little, talking as though he was bored with the subject. His eyes were open and staring at the stars in one of the more serious expressions I had seen him hold. Not that it was saying much.

My head nodded. "They sound… a little power hungry."

His lips twitched up. "Ya got that right. Then you were born. Ya weren't like me, but ya had an odd amount of chakra. Like Kisame."

"oh…" I tilted my head thoughtfully. I had met the shark man once when I became a member of the Akatsuki. That had been less than two weeks ago so the memory was fresh in my mind. I liked him and his partner better than the other members. Itachi was a little weird though. He'd stared at me with familiar eyes. And I knew that made no sense considering I'd never met him before.

"I don't really understand Hidan. Shouldn't lots of chakra be good? Why wouldn't our parents be proud?" My lips twitched down thoughtfully. I also didn't understand why I didn't have the chakra I supposedly had as a child. Now it was at the level of Hidan's, perhaps a little lower.

"Well there was more." Hidan scratched his chin. "You had violent tendencies."

I looked at him for a second before cracking up in laughter. I only stopped when Kakuzu let out a growl. Even then the giggles continued. "You have got to be kidding. I know I'm not the most gentle person but violent? That's your job."

Hidan did not chuckle along with me. He didn't even smile. I let my face mold into a frown to match his. Kakuzu had taken us to collect a few bounties and while I would fight alongside the two of them, I usually left the killing to Hidan. I'd only step in when he got himself in a stupid position. Which had only happened once with a Jonin ninja from Sunagakure. The ninja trapped him in some puppet jutsu. It was also the only time I killed one of the bounties instead of just beating them up and letting Hidan use them. I just didn't enjoy ending lives. It was a nuisance and rather gross. More than that: I always found myself hesitating before the finishing blow. My body rebelled even if my mind was more than willing.

"I don't know why it happened, but ya changed after a certain event. For the first six years of your live though, ya just weren't normal."

I glared through the dark at him. "I don't want to hear that coming from _you_."

He did chuckle a little at that. "Yeah. But… damn. I don't know how to describe it."

"Try?"

"You didn't show emotions. Not to anyone but me. At first we just thought you were tougher than other kids when you didn't cry. When you never asked for help. And when you learned how to talk ya referred to our parents like they were strangers. I think we realized something was up when you were four." Hidan wasn't seeing me anymore. He was seeing a memory. "Well…"

**Flashback**

_A young Hidan in a Chunnin vest held on tightly to a small girls hand. Her hair was the same grey as his and her eyes had a slight green hue. Nothing else made the toddler stick out, but for some reason the villagers around them stared. _

"_Hidan. The village is on a curfew with the war. You shouldn't be out so late." A Jonin appeared in front of Hidan, frowning. The little girl surely noticed him but paid no attention. Instead her curious eyes were on a nearby building. She watched with interest as a mom and dad held a tiny girls hand. Probably a family. There was something in her eyes Hidan couldn't identify. Similar to envy and hate, but overwhelmed with a lack of understanding._

"_Eh? I still have another hour before then. Since ya'll aren't giving me any missions I've got to find some way to spend my time!"_

_The jonin rubbed the back of his head. "Hidan, the reason why you haven't received any missions for the past few days is because the feudal lords are still deciding on your rank."_

_Hidan sighed. " I don't care about some fucking rank! Just let me get out there and slaughter those Iwa bastards!"_

"_That attitude is probably why you haven't been promoted yet. You're too immature. It is too much to expect from a boy as young as you."_

_Those were words any idiot would know you didn't say to Hidan. Even at a young age he was formidable. "You wanna die cocksucker?" His hand was reaching back for his red scythe, eyes glazed over with bloodlust and excitement, when a small tug on his hand made him stop. _

"_Can we go to the training forest Onnichan?" She asked, her eyes looking at him with anticipation. Once more she completely ignored the other man. She was often like that. When around her brother no one else had her attention and no one else existed. _

_Instantly Hidan was back to normal. Everyone knew that his only weakness was his strange sister. The girl who had no emotions. His hand returned to his side and he tugged Calista away. The man who they had been talking to was forgotten; left to stand there dumbly._

_The training grounds were close to the entrance of the gate. Calista enjoyed watching her brother spar with himself and the nearby trees. Her head would rest in her hands as she laid on her stomach and watched. To her the clang of Kunai was the sweetest melody._

_Hidan stopped moving his scythe in his lovely dance, making Calista frown with confusion. She stood up, looking at Hidan. "Oniich-"_

_Before the sentence was completed a ninja dropped down from behind her, a kunai raised. "Interesting how low the defenses of the hot waters prized-"_

_He never finished his sentence. Hidan had disappeared only for a second, reappearing behind Calista. The little girl frowned, feeling something wet land on her face in drops. Her head turned when a thud hit the ground. Her brothers scythe had red liquid on it, and the Ninja who had been behind her was now on the ground with his head rolling away from his body and towards her. It stopped at her feet, looking up with glazed eyes. _

_She blinked. "That was fast Oniichan."_

_Hidan was frowning and coming down from his adrenaline rush. His little sister should be screaming and crying and freaking out that he had just killed someone in front of her. Like a normal 4 year old. He took a careful step towards her. "Calista-chan, are you Okay?"_

_She didn't answer in time. Four more ninja arrived on the scene, each breathing heavily. Hidan stiffened but soon recognized the ninja as their own. The squad leader stepped forward. "You took care of him already Hidan?"_

"_Hardly worth the effort." Calista's big brother made a 'tch' sound._

_The leader nodded. "He's been giving us trouble, running away like a coward. Is your sister okay?"_

_The five of them turned to Calista. Hidan was wondering the same thing. "Ey, Calista-Chan?"_

_She didn't respond but bent down and intertwined her fingers in the hair of the decapitated head. It was just long enough for her to get a hold of. "Ne Oniichan… his eyes are open still." She cooed, lifting it up with effort and looking at the Iwa ninja. Her eyes studied his as if looking for something. The dead man had nothing to tell her though and she frowned. _

_The five exchanged looks, none of them knowing what to think. "It's probably just the shock." The leader said again. "Get her to bed and let it sink in."_

_Hidan didn't snap back like he normally would have. His attention and concern was solely for his little sister._

**Flashback End**

"I didn't understand what kind of four year old could of gone through that and been fine." Hidan finished.

My mouth wouldn't move. The first thought that came was _lie. _Hidan had to be making it up! The second was a feeling of truth. My brother could be an asshole but he wouldn't tell a story that cruel. Not if it wasn't true. My mouth unhinged. "But I don't get it Oniisan. I'm not like that anymore. What did I do that changed me? Was it when I was captured by those Iwa nin?"

This was when Hidan took a deep breath. "I'll explain it to you tomorrow. It's a long story."

I settled for that, even though I was on guard duty the rest of the night. Kakuzu offered to let me sleep a little but I adamantly refused. I couldn't sleep if I wanted to. Hidan's words of who I used to be weighing on my mind.

He kept his promise. The next day Hidan explained everything to me as we walked through the fog to our destination. "We were losing the war against Iwa and our pussy of a Kage was cornered. They did some messed up experiments on how to get the better hand. I don't even know what exactly went on. But one day they came to our house and said they needed you. I overheard the whole thing. Our 'parents' didn't even protest when they said they had to have a body to create a weapon and that you were the only one with the chakra to handle it. You were _six_ for crying out loud. They dragged you away."

"W-what did they do to me?"

"I ain't sure. Rumor has it they tried to create a new type of chakra. A new Kekkei Genkai so to speak. The one I'm trying to work on with you. They needed to force a lot of chakra into a body to handle it. And that required sacrifices of more people than even I could play with." He grinned momentarily before glaring at the road ahead of us. "That was the White power I told ya about. I tried to get to ya. They kept you underground and the shinobi that guarded ya were the towns best. Nobody was allowed in. But I tried ya know. Once I heard yer screaming I couldn't hold back. You were in pain.

"That went on for a while. Terrible sounds. For a while I didn't even know it was you. Sounded like a battle between animals and shinobi were going on. Something it would be roaring, other times a females voice, and other times a howl. It always changed. And it wasn't till they reached the climax of the battle that I realized it was you. They gave up on taming ya and released you against the enemy. You against an army. I watched it happen. And I knew it was you. How could a brother not know his own sister?" He took a deep breath and looked at me. I was too entranced to interrupt or say anything.

"Your shape kept changing. From animal to human. But the weirdest thing was how it wasn't a complete shape like… ah how do I describe this. Your leg would be a tentacle and the rest of your body would be humanoid. And then your hair would change color and then your torso. It was always changing. No part of ya remained the same for more than a few seconds. And before ya stuff materialized. Weapons and walls and animals. Creatures not found in this world thank god.

"You did what we wanted though. You destroyed the Iwa Nin. The village wanted them to kill you in the process but it failed. You turned on us, destroyed the village. Like a Tailed beast. That was when our Kage came out. He fought you, or so the story goes. Sealed ya into a sleeping state and had them carry you off. It was top secret where you went.

"I waited for ya. I knew you'd awaken some day. The village turned into a tourist one but I was pissed at them for what they did, taking my sister like that. So I punished em and left. When I found ya again you looked different, but I knew who you were. It's also why I think ya changed. That chaotic creature took all the dark you were born with out and left ya as innocent as could be when it was done. " Hidan finished his monologue.

There was no moisture on my mouth. Certainly not enough to speak. My footsteps slowed to a stop and Kakuzu and Hidan looked back. For once Kakuzu did not snap at me but waited. You couldn't see my face because I was looking down. After a moment when I raised my eyes to meet them they had a hardness in them not seen for half a century. "Why would they do that? To me? What did I do wrong to make me a toy for experimentation? And then when I didn't turn out good enough they just decided to off me?"

Hidan had an angry look on his face, but it was directed at his old village and not me. "Yeah. That's how the Shinobi are. They use ya and then throw you away."

"They throw you away… even though they create you that way." My fists shook at the injustice of it. It wasn't right. Who gave these messed up villages those rights? Who were they to decide one being was above another? "It's sick."

My brother stepped back towards me and rested a hand on my shoulder. "Ya know, I could show you what yer meant to be. Teach you to take advantage of what they tried to destroy you for. Teach you to be what you're meant to. With no one to try and destroy you for it."

The temptation was sweet. It was like spitting in the face of the man who died trying to destroy me. In that state of raw anger I nodded my head. "I'd like that." The hidden villages were something I felt neutral to before now. The truth had come out though. They were perverse hypocrites. Trying to preach to the rest of the world good will while they stabbed their own members in the back. Kakuzu had a similar story. I didn't believe it until now, that he was imprisoned just for failing a mission. It was just… sick.

"I want that power…" I smiled a little, looking into the eyes of my Oniichan.

"There's my sister." He grinned back. "Let's get started."


	8. 2 Months Earlier: Gaara's Genjutsu

Sorry it's been so long guys! Work and school and friends have been CRAZY! I've had way too much shit going on haha. I'm trying to get back int he zone though! Sowy!

ADDITION: OMG! I just realized I published the wrong chapter! Sorry guys! This is the right one I swear.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Two Months Earlier...<strong>_

"Knife" Hidan called out.

I made the sign for horse and caught a knife as it appeared in front of me.

"Apple."

The Knife disappeared and I did it again, catching an apple and tossing it to him.

"Sword."

Again. This time I clapped my hands and as I separated them a sword materialized. I flung it lazily at my brother just as he threw the apple back at me. The sword cut the apple in half and then disappeared into nothing.

"Pillow."

Before I could make the fluffy white thing appear Kakuzu stopped walking. "Will you two stop with that _Annoying_ game already?"

"Eh? But it's training Kakuzu!"

"Yeah lighten up would ya?" Hidan rolled his eyes.

"You're really-"

"Getting on yer fucking nerves. I know already."

"She has it down to perfection. She doesn't need to keep practicing."

I stuck out my tongue to his back, hoping he didn't see it. Unlike Hidan _**I **_could die. I sighed and looked up to the sky's.

"_**CALISTA**_!"

I stopped. "What the... You don't have to shout Hidan! I'm right here."

"what the hell are you going on about?"

"You shouted my name. Right in my ear too jackass!"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did! I heard you! You have a pretty fucking distinct voice!"

"No I fucking didn't!"

"Y-"

"Shut up or I'll kill you both. He did not call your name Calista."

We both turned towards the taller male. He didn't say my name? But I heard it. It wasn't feint either. It was as clear as day.

Impossible... I had imagined it?

It wasn't real.

"Ah… I'm going crazy Hidan!"

No response. "Hidan?"

Next thing I knew Hidan grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him. Kakuzu jumped in the opposite direction and I hit Hidan with my free fist. "What the h-"

Then I saw what we had jumped away from. Sand. There wasn't supposed to be sand in the land of fire. And not sand that moved like that. I pressed my hands together and caught a large white wooden staff as it materialized. It had become my favorite tool. The sand continued to move slowly towards us and we avoided it, moving backwards.

"Who the hell is sneaking around?" I shouted, looking around for the assailant. Who was stupid enough to attack us?

"Quiet." Kakuzu glanced to his left and then at me.

I waved my hand, catching a Kunai I materialized and threw it towards the bushes. A ninja jumped up and landed before us. The sand was still moving slowly and I wondered if that was all it could do. Just providing a distraction. The ninja that had appeared was a female with blond buns. Her eyes were on me. Was she surprised to see a girl among us or something? The way she was looking at me got on my nerves. Was she the one who controlled the sand? Hidan had explained to me that ninja usually worked in pairs of three or four. Then where were the others?

"Ey! Kakuzu. Stay outta this one! You too Calista."

I looked at my brother. "Idiot! There's probably more of them."

"I don't see any more of them!"

"You're the biggest idiot I know then! Do you really think that blonde chick is alone?"

"Call me an idiot one more time bitch!"

"And what?"

"I'll sacrifice you!" He moved his hand to bonk me on the head. It never hit.

My eyes widened in pure shock. That was sand? It had been so slow before! How could it move so fast and have the strength to capture Hidan's hand?

"Way to ruin the element of surprise."

Hidan and I looked at the one who had talked. A man in a one piece suit with purple paint on his face. He was looking at me in the same way the blond had. The person who captured my attention the most though, was a shorter boy standing behind the two of them. With piercing green eyes and red hair. I opened my mouth slightly in wonder. Who was this man? And why did it… make me feel odd looking at him. My heart was beating irregularly. He was cute, but not cute enough to make me react like a little girl in love. Something was wrong.

Slowly the red head stretched his arm out, his hand moving into a fist. The sand was beginning to rotate around Hidan's wrist. When he tried to pull back he couldn't. "Hey! Quit it you Motherfucker!"

I formed three hand signs, blowing a water style jutsu at the wrist. It loosened the sand enough for Hidan and I to jump back. "You owe me." I grinned over at him.

"Tch you wish."

"Let her go." The red head's voice was melodic. Deep and inviting. And familiar. My heart skipped a beat. Again.

"Let who go?" I asked, turning to Hidan. "Maybe he thinks yer a girl."

"Wanna die?"

"Hey! What if he came to rescue ya because he thinks yer a pretty lady. He's probably the best you'll ever get!"

"Kakuzu looks more like a fucking girl than me!" Hidan screeched.

"You two are really starting to get on my nerves." Kakuzu shot us a glare that shut me up. For a moment at least.

I leaned over and whispered in Hidans ear. "On a bright note the red heads voice is almost as sexy as Kakuzu's."

Hidan pushed me away. "Cut it out would ya! I don't want to hear that from my sister!"

"Would you two stop it? We are not alone."

Hidan and I turned in unison back to the ninja with the Suna headbands. At least I was pretty sure it was Suna the way Kakuzu described them.

"Oh yeah… what should we do with them Kakuzu?"

"I already told ya I wanna sacrifice them! I'll take the guys though, you can have the girl Cali-chan."

My eye twitched. "I wasn't asking you! And why do you get the guys? Are you sexist?"

"Don't underestimate them." Kakuzu reminded us.

"Or we'll get killed" We replied at the same time, both rolling our eyes. It was no wonder we were related.

"Oniichan~ how about you get the purple guy and I take the others? Your stupid ritual holds us back enough as it is. We don't have time for two of them." I suggested.

"Fine, I'll just take the red head."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Fuck yes!"

"Hell no! You're not being fair!"

"Life's a bitch. Listen to your older brother." Hidan ruffled my hair.

I crossed my arms. "Kakuzu. You decide!"

"I could care less. Just finish it quickly. And be wary of the read head."

"Why?"

"He's no ordinary Ninja."

My mouth shaped into an 'O'. He didn't look like he was that strong. Well there went nothing. I moved to the right, appearing to the left of the red head, my staff raised. "Don't take this personally. We're just in a hurry."

He widened his eyes but his sand caught my attack before It landed. I pushed back and landed a few feet away. "What the hell man?"

He turned to face me completely. His eyes were the size of saucers as they went up and down my body. "Calista?"

"Eh? How do ya know my name? Who do you think you are! Shouldn't there be a San or a Sama in there? You're worse than Oniichan! Show some respect dude!"

A collection of gasps rang from three mouths. "You…" His eyes went down my body again. To my hand with the ring, to my cloak, and then back up to my face.

"Hey! Quit checking her out or I'll sacrifice you!" Hidan shouted. The other two enemy ninja hadn't moved yet, and nor had Hidan or Kakuzu. They were watching.

"Shut up Hidan!"

"Make me bitch!"

"Just wait till I'm done with this fucker and then I will!"

"I'll be waiting!"

"O-"

"Calista!" The red head interrupted me and my eye twitched. Who was he?

"What?"

"What is the meaning of this?"

My head tilted to the side. "Why are you talking like you know me?"

"Is this one of your jokes?"

"Hidan…" I looked at my annoyed brother with concern. "Do I know this guy?"

He stiffened. "Of course not!"

"Gaara…" The blonde girl took a step towards him.

He held his hand out for her to stop.

Gaara? It didn't sound familiar. But at the same time it did. Confusion wracked my brain. "G-Gaara." I tested the name on my lips, trying to see why it was so strange.

Hope lit up in the red heads eyes. "Come Calista." He held out his hand, palm up.

I gripped my staff hard but I couldn't attack him. My body was doing that rebellion thing again. Why? This was a ninja from one of those detested villages. The ones that hated and took advantage of me. I wet my lips when my mouth dried up. Nobody was moving, just watching us. Gaara waited patiently.

Something was telling me to take his hand. To just rest mine in his. I took a step towards him, and then another. Another. Another. When I was close enough to touch him I reached my hand out a few inches, then took it back. Hesitating. _Take it. _A voice in my head was screaming, telling me that this was familiar. I reached out again, my hand stopping centimeters from his.

Just as he moved his hand up and gripped mine, a blazing red scythe dropped down on where he would have been had he not separated from me at the last minute and backed away. I couldn't react. My hand was warm and my heart had stopped. It wasn't even beating fast anymore. "Oniichan…" I whispered. "What sort of Genjutsu is this?"

Hidans face was contorted with anger and rage. "Kakuzu! You and Calista can have the other two. I'm gonna sacrifice this guy nice and slow."

"Hidan I… What's wrong with me?" Instead of arguing I was still starign at my hand, mouth open in wonder. "It's… is it a genjutsu?

Hidan didn't look at me. "Yeah. And as soon as I kill this guy it will be over."

Something made me frown. I glanced at Hidan with a frown. "But- But I don't want you to hurt him."

Still he did not look at me. The other however couldn't take their eyes off. "It's the Genjutsu."

It felt so real! But I supposed a Genjutsu would do that. It must have been touch activated and that was why he'd told me to take his hand. Hidan didn't waste any more time but Jumped up, scythe plazing. The teammates of the red head stayed to the side and Kakuzu respected it was well.

He did not move. The read head that is. His sand was doing all the work for him and if I wasn't so shocked I might have been impressed. Instead I was something else. Worried for the red head. With every near fatal swipe hidan made, I grew more anxious. I started to shift, to fiddle, and when the read head turned his gaze to me my feet moved of their own accord.

"No. Hidan stop. Please. Please! Please! HIDAN! PLEASE!" I was growing frantic with fear that one of his attacks would hit. I closed my eyes and ran into the fray of sand and scythe. With self abandon I plunged forward and was stopped by two things.

My eyes opened and there was a hand on my shoulder. Kakuzu's tall frame was holding me against him. Hidans scythe was above me as if it would have hit but a thick barrier of sand was prottecting me. There was a moment of silence in which I blinked. Why did the red head protect me. Kakuzu I could understand. But this kid?

"Hidan." Kakuzu looked from my wide-eyed face to the other to Hidan.'

Without any other communication hidan jumped back and so did Kakuzu, still holding me in a crushing grip. My eyes were still on Gaara.

"We don't have time for you three." Kakuzu held a stony gaze.

Hidan did not argue, shocking really. He walked over to me and took over the duty of holding onto my shoulders.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The purple man broke the silence. "What the hell Calista?"

"Kank-"

"No!" He cut off the blonde girl. "We come all this way to save her and she's become one of them? What the hell have you done to her?"

I glanced at Hidan. "Hidan-Chan… I-"

"It's Genjutsu."

And he held on to my shoulder and looked at Kakuzu. I knew them so well that the plan of retreating that went silently between them. I didn't want to leave. "No! Not yet Hidan! Just let me talk to them!"

He wrapped his arms around me and forced me to burry my head into his chest. "It will go away soon."

There were voices and I thought I heard a clash of metal before the wind buffered my hair and I was being flown through the trees and away from the enemy. We were moving fast and after a handful of minutes I felt a little better. The anxiety was less and the read head, though stuck in my mind, was not as demanding of attention. I dreamed of him that night though, and the rest following.


	9. 1 Month Earlier: Crossing the Boundaries

_**1 month 1 weeks earlier...**_

"Byebye Zetsu-chan!" I cheered after the green member of the Akatsuki disappeared with the body of

the two tails.

"Why doesn't that cock-sucker eat you already?" Hidan asked, starting to walk after Kakuzu. He wiped some blood off of his mouth. Evidence of his ritual.

I climbed out of the rubble after him. "Cause he loooooves me! Everyone loves me eh Hidan-Chan?"

"How? You're fucking annoying!"

"Hey take that back!" I hit him in the back, sending him falling forward. Laughing I ran ahead and caught up with Kakuzu, walking besides him. "What now?"

"We have a bounty to collect."

I put my hands behind my head. "Eh? You and your money! Cant ya just relax a little!"

"Says the hyper bitch!" Hidan had caught up with us. I ducked in time to avoid his scythe, making the sign for monkey and then bringing my hands apart, a large wooden staff forming between them which I used to push myself up into the air, landing on his scythe and pushing it into the ground. I knew he wasn't really trying to kill me. I would be dead if he was. But he probably wouldn't mind injuring me a little bit.

I rolled my eyes, about to say something when I wavered slightly. Hidan caught my hand before I could fall and Kakuzu stopped.

"What the hell was that?" Hidan asked.

The earth spun as I regained my footing. "Damn it… There was a hole in the ground."

"Eh? Where cali?"

I went silent and looked at the ground all around us. Then I frowned. "I don't like this! Every time I use this power it's like I lose a little of myself! I can't describe it but I don't like it! I don't want to use it! It isn't fair that I have to deal with this!" I shouted, throwing the staff down on the ground and watching it disappear.

Hidan and Kakuzu looked at each other. "what do you know about this Hidan?" Kakuzu asked.

Hidan groaned. "Pain in the ass! That's what this is!"

"If your hiding something from me I swear I'll kill you over and over again until you tell me!" I threatened. I planned to make good on it.

"Maybe it's that creature comin' out again." Hidan shrugged.

"What do ya mean?"

"Well remember when they first put all those chakra's into ya, you went crazy. I saw it for myself when they let you lose. You weren't human. Your shape kept changing. One moment you'd have the arm of a human and the body of some ghost figure, or the leg of an animal and the arm of an insect. It was creepy as hell!" Hidan looked up to the sky. "Maybe yer loosing yourself to that chaos or something. I ain't that bright."

I furrowed my eyebrows. I didn't get it either! "How can I lose myself to what I am?"

"What do you mean lose yourself?" Kakuzu busied himself leaning against a tree.

"I mean like… I feel crazy. Sometimes I think I hear my name but I really don't. Other times I see things that aren't there! And sometimes when I fight I don't want to stop! And that's not like me! It's like every time I use it something is taken away from me and I don't know how to balance it out! My moods gone sour, I snap for no reason, dark! It's all dark! And I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I h-"

"Calm down sis." Hidan looked over at me.

I was getting worked up again. Deep breaths.

"The type of chakra you have, The White Power… It may draw upon negative energy." Kakuzu theorized.

I looked at him. "But don't I have to have negative thoughts and stuff for that to happen?"

" The smallest amount of doubt in yourself could be enough. Every time you use the power it will pull on the negative energy around you and it will replace some of yours."

Kakuzu made sense, but it wasn't a truth I was eager to embrace. "Then… should I just stop using these powers?"

"Why the hell would ya do that? Just embrace it! Except what ya are. It's those damn village ninja that will tell ya you have to be uniform. Ya have to be just like em. If yer different they cast you out." Hidan hissed. "and yet there complete hypocrites! It's a ninja village that made ya like ya are."

I frowned. "They made me to be a killer. And then they tried to kill me because of that."

"Exactly. Embrace what they made you to be. Fuck the world. Tell them to shove it u-"

"Hidan." I cut off.

He groaned. "You can kill but ya have a problem with my language? Stupid bitch…"

"Says you! You're stupider than me!'

"Stupider isn't a word."

"SHUTUP!" I shouted at Kakuzu who only smirked beneath his mask.

Hidan was laughing his ass off and I turned my glare on him. "you too!" I aimed a freshly appearing staff towards his head. It barely missed.

"What the hell Calista! Ima kill you through me!"

"You'd have to be able to cut me for that to happen dummy!"

Hidan gripped the handle of his scythe and I prepared to make a hand sign when Kakuzu cut us both of.

"Will you two SHUT UP! We have a bounty to collect."

* * *

><p>"How deep in the mountains is this place?" Hidan asked looking around. I was holding onto his cloak so he would be pulling me along and I wouldn't have to expend so much effort. I was sick of walking uphill.<p>

"Just a bit further."

"Kakuzu! You've been saying that every time he asks!" I complained.

Hidan stopped abruptly and I ran into his back. "Ey! Why'd you stop?"

"Are you kidding me? MORE stairs?" Hidan fussed. I blew out my cheeks in equal frustration. "There's no way the Jinchuuriki's way out here! Your pissing me off!"

"Like I give a rat's ass about you. And if you keep whining like a little baby, I'll kill you. "

I giggled. Hidan shot me a glare and reluctantly started up the steps. I continued to hang off of him. "Yeah, yeah. Like you could pull it off Kakuzu. inconsiderate prick."

I just laughed at them. "Hidan! Cary me!"

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"Consider it training!" I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck, hanging off of him.

"Hey get off of me bitch! You're choking me!" He swung to the side.

I hung on tightly despite his whining. "Training!"

At last Kakuzu yelled out: "ENOUGH!"

I let go, thinking he was fed up with us. Then I realized the large structure ahead of us. I took my place to the right of Hidan. There were two creepy angel like things on either side of a large bronze door.

"This is a temple." Hidan pointed out what I didn't realize. "You think he'd be here?"

"Dunno." Kakuzu slurred. "But this isn't your typical temple. It's very likely that he's here."

We took a few steps forward. Kakuzu punched the door. Easily knocking it away. I jumped up on the large door next to my brother. Bald guys were everywhere, running about. I wasn't familiar with religion so I didn't know what they even practiced.

"Doesn't look like anyone here'd be interested in converting to Jashin. Not a soul in sight!" Hidan grinned, jumping forward.

"Eh… Kakuzu, isn't it bad Karma to attack a temple?" I asked, feeling a little uneasy about this. Kakuzu didn't answer.

"Those cloaks! Then the rumors… there's no mistaking it! They're Akatsuki!" One of the baldies gasped. As we walked forward some retreated but others stood their ground.

The crowd parted for a lone man. "Eh? Looks like we've got another wanabee hero on our hands." Hidan rubbed the back of his neck.

"He doesn't just look the part. Our hit list says there's a 30,000,000 ryou bounty on his head."

"EY! Kakuzu! You said we were after another of those Jinchuriki!" I glared.

"Ey, don't tell me we're after this guy for money. Killing a priest is like a one-way ticket to hell."

I nodded in agreement.

"Even hell runs on money." Kakuzu countered. "I'd be fine."

A sigh came from both Hidan and I. Kakuzu was impossible!

"I don't know what you want here, but leave now!" The priest spoke, standing a few yards away from the three of us.

"What? You don't want any unnecessary casualties? Well shit like that doesn't fly with my religion." Hidan released his scythe, gripping it in front of him.

How did I get stuck like this? With two fanatics and a priest thinking he could honestly take the three of us on. The whole temple against just one of em wouldn't do any good.

"I heard there was a temple in the fire country inhabited by ninja monks. It's said they wield some sort of power called "the gifts of the gods". The 30,000,000 Ryou man is an elite ninja who once belonged to the 12 Guardian Ninja, charged with protecting the Feudal lord. The sash with the symbol of the fire country is proof." Kakuzu explained to our simpler minds.

My eyebrows pulled together in thought. That sounded familiar. The 12 guardian ninja. Perhaps we'd fought one before and I just forgot. Or maybe it was from before I lost my memories.

"So he's tough?" My brother had a grin forming.

"Don't get lazy. You'll die."

* * *

><p>It didn't last long, but the destruction was devastating. The temple was in ruins. Broken and smashed building fragments littered the way. "Looks like the Jinchuuriki wasn't here."<p>

I looked over at Hidan, lying on the ground in that creepy ritual thing, his retractable spear pierced through his chest. I would never say it aloud but I was pretty sure he had an orgasm every time he died with the way he acted. Was I really related to this creep?

"We'll hit the next spot after I finish praying."

"No." Kakuzu picked up the priest. "We need to exchange this corps for the bounty. Money comes first."

Thank god. I hummed to myself, nudging a dead baldy with my foot to make sure he really was dead. Did we leave any alive? It was a pity the guy couldn't just give himself up and save his teammates. Selfish bastards.

"Seriously, can I beat the crap out of you someday? Just once?"

I rolled my eyes. "Fuck Hidan, just suck it up and let's get going." I crossed my arms and started to walk away.

"Eh, it's showing again."

"What?" I snapped back.

"That dark shit yer talking about."

I looked at my brother. He was right. Deep breaths. Push it away and think of happier things! "See what I mean! This shit is annoying."

"Let's go." Hidan pulled the pole from his chest, blood oozing form his chest.

"Fire country is large. We have time."

"hypocrite." I mumbled, walking after him and ignoring Hidans calls to wait up.


	10. 1 Month Earlier: Insanity Rising

_**1 Month 5 Days Earlier...**_

The forest was always a nice place. It felt like home to me. Birds, rodents, bugs. All of it put together in a natural symphony. It wasn't as much fun when I was walking with Hidan and Kakuzu though.

"You carry him for a while." Kakuzu ordered Hidan, the dead body draped over his shoulder. I wondered if he would start to smell bad soon.

"Are you kidding me? You're the one who keeps going on about money! You can carry him there yourself. He's your precious bitch isn't he?"

Kakuzu didn't say anything and that pissed Hidan off even more. "What's the matter with you. Why the fuck are you looking at me like that asshole?"

"I swear… one of these days you're going to push me too far."

"Oh please not that again. "

"I'm surprised you put up with him for this long." I mumbled.

"Shutup you stupid whore!" Hidan glared at me, walking behind the two of them.

"What? You're the one that's annoying!"

"That doesn't even make sense in the context!"

"You… you…"

"Shut. Up." Kakuzu hissed.

I yawned. "Yesssir!"

"Bitch…"

"Dumbass."

"Whore."

"Cocksucker."

"I will kill you both." Kakuzu stopped.

I rubbed the back of my head. "H-hey Kakuzu how about I carry the body now?"

"Kakuzu… it's been a few days… do ya think they're on our tails yet?" I asked.

"Hey why do you ask him and not me?" Hidan complained.

"Cause your stupid." I shrugged.

"Bitch."

"Whore."

"Hooker."

"W-"

"Enough. Any fool could see you two are related." Kakuzu shook his head. "Of course we're being tracked by now."

"Not that Konoha could send anyone after us. They're all weak pussies."

"Keep thinking like that and you'll get yourself killed."

I rolled my eyes. How many times did they have this conversation?

'Ya know I'm really getting sick of how fucking lousy you are at conversation." He turned his attention to kakuzu. "an otherwise pleasant trip can suck ass if you get stuck with a boring companion. And my bitch of a sister doesn't help."

"I heard that!"

"We're not exactly on a vacation here Kakuzu. Put yourself in my position. I've been forced to go along with all this fucking work. A little sympathy would be nice."

"Big baby…" I muttered under my breath.

"Just shut up and keep walking. We're late."

"We're only late because we have to stop at that collection office! For crying out loud you're making this tedious trip even longer! I'm telling you it's getting really damn annoying. "

Kakuzu stopped and I took a step behind Hidan just in case. I didn't like it when he got angry and Hidan was pushing it.

"I've also had enough of searching for the Jinchuuriki. Especially when we don't have a clue where they might be.

"This is annoying? This is part of an important mission."

"Whatever. I know yer in charge of making money for the organization. But this bounty? It's pathetic. Barely enough to cover an after party for a tailed beast hunt."

Kakusu just ignored my annoying brother.

"Hey wait up. I'm sorry." His voice was more mocking. I trudged along, dragging the priest. I wasn't as tall as Kakusu or Hidan so her dragged on the ground.

"Hey Calista want me to carry him for a while?" Hidan offered.

"And what do you plan to do with him?" I raised an eyebrow.

Hidan shrugged. "What? I was only trying to be nice here."

Kakuzu thought he saw right through Hidan. "You want to discard it. "

"What are you talking about?"

Turned out he was right on. "Don't play dumb. Even an idiot like Calista can see through you. You'd rather get rid of it. Isn't that right?"

My eyes narrowed. I took offense to that!

"All right ya got me." He grinned. "Let's forget that guy and get the Jinchuriki!"

In a flash of movement Hidan's scythe blocked Kakuzu's hardened fist. Well that was expected, though I wasn't sure if Hidan was blocking Kakuzu or Kakuzu was blocking Hidan.

"See that? I finally made you mad."

"Idiot." I mumbled, walking past the two and down the road.

I ignored them and their happenings and looked at the monk over my shoulder. The sash really did interest me. "Hey Kakuzu… can I keep this sash? Thanks!" I didn't wait for the reply before yanking it off of him. It was tied on well. When it came off I looked at it closely. It kept triggering something in me. Why did I feel familiar with it?

Why?

"I can't believe they hid the entrance behind a urinal. You've got to be fucking kidding me." Hidan said in disgust.

I nodded. " I don't think I'm allowed In here guys… and I don't wanna be allowed in here. Daaaamn men are groooooooss!"

"Shutup! You're just as bad."

My eyebrow twitched. "At least I can aim when I go to the bathroom!"

"How would you know we don't? Have you been watching Kakuzu?"

"What? That's gross Hidan!"

His hysterical laughter filled the room. "You pervert! Have you seen his dick? Is it big?"

"Hidan! I'm going to kill you! Several times over!"

"Shut up!" Kakuzu yelled for the thousandth time. His look made us both go still.

"This way please." A man that looked rather creepy with thick eyebrows, mustache and a beard appeared in the dark. He was bald which just put him in the weird category even more. What was up with all the bald guys?

The room was even worse. It looked like a morgue with little cubbies in the wall that you put the body into. I handed the priest over to Kakuzu who took care of things.

"This won't take long will it?" Hidan raised an eyebrow, clearly not liking the smell. I couldn't blame him.

"Calista. The sash."

I had it tied around my face for a makeshift mask since we were around people. I tapped it with my finger and the collector looked at it, then nodded. "No doubt about it. That's Chiriku. You got yourself a big fish this time."

Couldn't he move any faster? It was like he was purposefully taking all the time in the world.

Hidan felt the same way. "Ugh it stinks in here! Are you done yet Asshat?"

"Asshat?" I wondered where he came up with that.

"Hold on, I have to count the money. Help me Calista."

I grumbled but grabbed a stack of bills and started going through it.

"Dunno which smells worse, the piss or the corpses. Why don't you just come find me when yer done. Fucking gross!"

"Lucky bastard." I thanked the heavens for the sash around my face, filtering some of the smell.

I shifted through one stack and then moved to another, keeping it in my head as I went. "Ey Kakuzu, I can keep this sash thing right? It makes a nice face cover."

"It belongs with the body."

"But if you don't let me keep it I'll have to buy a new one." I pointed out. "I'm thinking of a nice white one. The fabric would have to be nice too. Maybe some o-"

"Fine."

I smirked. He was so easy sometimes.

"How much did you count?"

"14.6 million on my side." I set the bills back in the suitcase.

"It's all here"

The body disappeared into the wall with a clang and I hugged the suitcase to my chest protectively.

"Pleasure doing business with you Kakuzu-Sama, Calista-Sama. Hope to see you again soon."

"Sorry but we won't be back for a while." Kakuzu returned, "We're heading to the leaf for a nice hunt."

My mask covered the smirk on my face.

"A word of advice then if I may. Distance yourselves from that companion. His face was not a lucky one. He won't bring you money."

My grin grew and I had to cough to cover up a laugh.

"You're right. Hidan's inauspicious in money matters. But I can have no other partner. There's a good reason for that."

"What reason? You have the girl here don't you?"

"All those who have partnered with me in the past have died. If it wasn't for that fool this girl would be dead as well. When I'm provoked my killing instinct awakens. But no matter how hard I try, I can't kill that one. That's why our partnership works."

I didn't miss the sweat rolling down the collectors face as I left. I crinkled my eyes with silent laughter as I looked at him. Oh if only he knew just how creepy the guys I traveled with were. Nobody would face us then.

I sighed. "Kakuzu?"

He had stopped right before the door. "Do you sense that?"

I concentrated, listening. Something wasn't right… "I do. What did my bro get himself into this time? He's so much trouble."

"Your one to talk."

"Eh? I'm not THAT bad!"

He looked at me and said nothing.

My clothes stink…" I mumbled, sniffing my arm even through the cloth. "Ima have to take a bath after this!"

"Quit your complaining."

"Yessir~"

We nodded to one another and instead of leaving out the front we left out the back. I could see the fight in front clearly. "Mine." I mouthed to Kakuzu.

"Your partner, where is he?" The one in front of my trapped brother said. I smirked.

I sneaked up behind the one controlling Hidan through some weird jutsu. A black line extending between them. My hands came together in the sign of the boar. Before me appeared two Tonfa. I caught them in the air by their small handles. The small end of it in front and the long end going back along my arm. And then I launched forward.

"why can't I be a girl?" I whispered in the ear of the pineapple head. I twisted my body to the left and swung the tonfa so the long end turned forward and used them to knock him first to the left, then to the right, then I shoved my hand forward and pressed it into his stomach, sending him flying down to the ground. Kakuzu landed smoothly but did not move. He left the spiky kid to me.

He looked back and his eyes were wide with shock. Was it because of the sash I was wearing? I grinned beneath the sash, "Ima get pretty pissy soon. But don't worry. It's not your fault kid. It's these dumb powers!" I pressed my hands together again. The Tonfa disappeared and in its place were two Kama's. I always liked how they looked. Like mini Scythe's.

Just as I was preparing to strike something else got in my way. Or someone else in this case. Two kunai blades caught my Kama. I raised an eyebrow. "Hey! Shouldn't you be worrying about my brother?"

For some reason he froze, giving me the opportunity to deliver a kick to his side. "Well that was a little too easy…"

"It can't be…" He gasped, looking at me. There was something in his eyes I couldn't remember seeing before. Something that made me frown. Why did this… why did it give me the same weird feeling as the sash when I looked at him. My eyes went down to my chest. It hurt. Was this a jutsu? I narrowed my eyes at him. What the hell was he doing? Instead he continued to look at me. "It can't be… Calista?"


	11. 1 Month Earlier: The power of Love

_**1 Month 5 Days Earlier...**_

"Eh?" I gave him a weird look. How did he know my name? "Didn't know I was that famous. EY bro! ya hear that? Even these little guys know my name!"

"Shut the hell up bitch!" Was the only reply I got.

"You'll have to excuse him. He's touchy when he gets tricked by people. He really should be used to it by now. He's sooo dumb" I stuck a finger in my ear. "But sorry bout yer plans. We can't let you take any of us. And ya couldn't kill those two even if they held still."

My laughter filled the silent arena. Slowly I moved the sash down from my face to my neck. "Kinda funny though, we match!"

The look in his eyes turned dark. "I won't have mercy even on you Calista. Kotestsu! Izumo! Retreat!"

"Stop calling me like ya know me!" I yelled as the four of them huddled back together.

"That fellow… well, well. For once you struck Gold Hidan." Kakuzu was staring at the sash.

"Calista." Hidan brought his scythe back to him. "Just stay outta this alright? I want these guys for my ritual. You and Kakuzu can have em after."

"Very well. But don't get careless. Or you're dead."

I sighed at the same old stuff. "Kakuzu he isn't being fair."

"Shut up."

"Whatever." I crossed my arms and sat down right where I was. Fine! The stupid Prats. The spiky headed one was still looking at me. "Ya got a problem pineapple?" I asked, raising one of my Kama at him.

"Calista. It's taking over again." Kakuzu reminded me.

"Oh shut up!" I groaned. Why did I even bother controlling it if it just came back! It was stupid! Despite my mental complaints I took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. The clouds had turned thin. It was upsetting me even more. My eyes went down to the ring on my finger. A silver band with a small green gem. I didn't know what kind it was. Pretty though… it always lifted my mood. I rubbed it fondly. How had I gotten it… would I ever know?

"Believe me, I wish someone would kill me." I looked at Hidan as he spoke, my temper calming a little. Oh joy… he was going to do his ritual again. I could tell by the circle he was forming. "But that's… not possible."

"Just shut up and kill em already Hidan! You're so nosy!" I growled.

"Calista."

I looked at Kakuzu and sighed once more, regaining myself. Think positive. Think of trees. Of birds. Insects. Slowly I thought of positive things I erased my doubt even though it was hard and tiresome I managed after a few second. "I'm good."

"Good."

We glanced at the enemy. They were plotting.

"Have you finished strategizing?" Hidan groaned, blood spraying on the ground as he removed the two blades stuck in his side. "Ah that hurts. What pests you are. Poking me right and left. The gods shall punish those who don't understand the pain of others."

"Oh boy…" I mumbled. "Does he think he's a priest or something?" It was obvious how this would end. They would all die. At least I wouldn't have to carry this guy's body across the country.

When the fighting began I took it as a time to relax. My eyes kept going back to the male with the matching sash. Who was he? It wasn't possible for me to not know him!

"Hey Kakuzu… who is that guy Hidans fighting? He seems familiar but I can't place it."

Kakuzu was oddly still, even for him. Stiff. "You do not know him."

So that pretty much meant I did. "What was he to me? An enemy? Did I fight him before I lost my memories?"

I didn't expect Kakuzu to answer me and didn't. Instead we watched. The guy Hidan was fighting was skilled like priest.

"Asuma!"

I froze. The spiky guy just called him Asuma… why did that sound so… Ugh. I put a hand over my chest. What was this strange jutsu? If Hidan didn't finish him fast I would have to ask him myself. It was so painful! "Just kill him already…" I hissed, wanting it to go away.

"That stance!" I hollered in warning to Hidan. He was ahead of me. The holly figure appeared behind Asuma just as it had the priest. This time they were golden hands that knocked his scythe away. Another punched Hidan. I wasn't worried but my eyebrows drew together. Hidan was merely knocked back a little.

"Yes, Chiriku's Jutsu. Of course Chiriku's better at it than I am."

Hidan growled.

"Don't underestimate them." Kakuzu reminded. I stood up and dusted myself off, agreeing.

"Stay out of it! Just keep your fucking mouth shut and watch."

"Are we really gonna Kakuzu? Shouldn't we help?"

"We'll see. "

And in a sequence of fast events, where Hidan used his brain and faked an attack on the other three, he got what he wanted. A small cut on the side of Asuma's cheek. I sighed. "Well that was interesting while it lasted. Should I go tell the guy down there that we got another body?"

"Not yet…" Kakuzu narrowed his eyes.

I was hoping to cut off some time but apparently not. Instead I waited anxiously.

Asuma sent a black cloud of something towards Hidan. Something called Burning Ash. What a unique Jutsu. When he sent it towards Hidan I frowned. This would be a rude awakening. It exploded, such a thing that would probably kill a mortal. My hair whipped back with the shock of it.

"Hurts doesn't it." Hidan cackled.

Asuma gasped, looking down at his burnt right side. I tilted my head and bit my lip. The pain in my chest got a little worse. Damn I wanted to get some answers… but not at the risk of upsetting Hidan.

"Judgment hath been passed."

"What the hell?" One of his two cronies exclaimed.

I wasn't in the mood to roll my eyes. For some reason. Hidan didn't share my dreary mood. "So what do you think? Helps you understand the suffering of others a bit more doesn't it?"

And this is where things got serious.

"I have already cursed you. And the ritual shall now begin." His voice used to creep me out when he got like this, but I was getting more used to it. "Well then, let's experience the ultimate pain together now shall we?"

My eyes shut tight. Damn it! Why couldn't I watch this like I normally did. Normally I was amused and interested and disgusted in my brothers skill. Not now. Shit! My eyes snapped back to attention.

"This one will fetch us another 35 million."

My eyes widened at Kakuzu. So much? He must be pretty special.

I was tempted to take a step forward but I stood my ground. As Asuma charged Hidan stabbed his leg. I winced. Asuma fell. Wait... why the hell did I Wince?

"Hurts huh!" and there went Hidans annoying cackles. "And I didn't even hit a vital spot! That kind of pain is the best! When the other persons agony at the final point of death seeps into my body the pain is transcended to the purest ecstasy!"

Whatever Hidan said… I still thought he was crazy. In the eyes of the others I could see it was clicking. They were linked. And now Hidan was just playing with him. Asking where he wanted to be hit next.

"A…" I started to mumble as Hidan moved his spear towards his heart. Everything stopped.

Hidan stopped, right before he hit his vital spot. I glanced at the spiky guy. Shikamaru based on his teammates calling. His weird black thing had captured him.

"Calista, this is going to drag on. Don't let the cash cow get away."

Even though every part of my body and heart were screaming no, I nodded my head and took a step forward.

"I told ya to stay out of it Calista! Butt the fuck out you stupid Cocksucker! I don't need your help!"

"Idiot." I spat, but didn't advance.

"Only a matter of time now I guess." Kakuzu relented.

My eyes widened. The one named Shikamaru. He was moving backwards. And so was my brother. I opened my mouth. How did he figure that out? Was this kid for real?

He was. I wondered if we should have focused on him. He was the mastermind.

"You fucking asshole!" Hidan screeched.

"It's not my fault you run your mouth so much."

I giggled. This kid wasn't too bad. It was a pity we would have to kill him.

"Enough talk then! I'm gonna enjoy killing you later!"

"There won't be a later!"

And Shikamaru had successfully pulled Hidan out of the circle, his ritual canceled. "Eh… this is going to take a while…"

Hidan was trapped by more of those black ropes, going almost into his body. I winced. How did my brother get off on that? Well now what were they going to do with him?

Asuma limped forward.

"Calista-Chan! Kakuzu! Help me out here." He screeched. "You cock suckers! Do something already!"

"I told you to be careful." Kakuzu didn't have any pity in his voice as we watched Asuma swipe his blade across my brothers neck. I winced. That had to hurt.

"Should we?" I asked Kakuzu.

"You can."

I groaned, making a hand sign and letting my favorite white staff appear. The three of them looked over at the two of us. Asuma and Shikamaru had that weird look in their eyes. I groaned. This jutsu was getting annoying!

"Brother! If you needed my help all you had to do was ask!" I taunted.

''You're the slow one you bitch! You too Kakuzu! You did this on purpose didn't you!" His head shouted. The others jumped in surprise that he was still alive. Hadn't they figured this much out yet?

"You were the one who said to stay out of it bastard!" I raised my staff. "Shut up or I'll leave ya there to rot you ungrateful ass!"

Hidan groaned, looking at his body. "Fine! Point taken! Maybe I did tell you two to stay out of it, but I assure you it wasn't out of disrespect. Now would you mind helping me up?"

I crossed my arms.

"Come on! Would ya? Calista-chan! I'm in a little bit of a situation here! Be nice to yer bro! Kakuzu? Old friend? Pretty please? This is no ordinary injury! It hurts like a son of a bitch!"

I stood a little closer to Kakuzu so I could whisper speak to just him. "I wonder if he came…"

Kakuzu blinked, loking at me in surprise. I couldn't help but start laughing hysterically. "Immature…" Kakuzu muttered. But I knew he was amused.

"What the hell did you say to him?" Hidan shouted.

"Nothing bro."

"Just help me!"

I laughed. "Alright, Aliright!"

Coughing alerted me to Shikamaru. He seemed done for. And the other guy was just as incapable.

I had seen enough. I launched, using my full speed to appear left of Asuma. He gasped in pain as I kicked him on his injured leg. Usually I disliked such tactics but I was moving logically now, not for honor. As I moved back I swiped my staff, hitting him in the face and knocking him over. "That's what you get for putting this stupid jutsu on me!" I shouted, my temper getting the best of me thanks to my power.

As he rolled to the side and tried to pick himself up I jumped, shoving my knee down hard into his back and preventing him from recovering. "Now take it off! What is it? Some kind of sympathy Jutsu?"

"C-Calista." He coughed.

"Look. When I use this power I get pissed off. So you better just tell me and stop playing around! Remove this fucking jutsu!"

"You…" He looked at me, blood dripping from his mouth.

I felt the pain again. "I get it! This is a sympathy jutsu! You try to make your opponent feel for you so they don't want to hurt you eh?" I smirked, convinced I had figured it out. "Well I'm not in the mood!"

He couldn't pick himself back up. "Still won't take it off? Tch.. It'll disappear when you're dead."

"Why… why are you doing this… Calista...?"

"Shut up!" I would have hit him again if I didn't hear Hidan complaining about me hurrying it up.

"Whatever." Sattisfied that Asuma wouldn't be able 6o stop me, I picked Hidan's head up by his hair.

"Hey! That fucking hurts!" Hidan screamed. I ignored him and set his head on his standing body.

"There. That's better." He craned his neck to the side. "KAKUZU!"

The masked man let a black wire expand from his sleeve, covering the distance and entering Hidan's skin. It sewed him back together until he was one peace.

Kakuzu turned to the others. "Your battle strategies are as tedious and drawn out as your rituals. Just take care of the Cash cow."

"Oh yeah… I better make sure to pay him back. After all there are certain rules to be observed."

"Not that again." I groaned.

"For the other three… leave them to me."

"Eh? What about me?" I protested the both of them.

"Stay out of this one Calista. Get your head back on straight."

"Shouldn't you be telling that to Hidan?" I mumbled, reluctantly hopping up on top of the bounty office. I sighed and looked up to the sky. I froze.

The clouds were red! But… but weren't they white? No… it… they were always red.

"Calista!" Hidan shouted. "You better not interfere this time."

I snapped my head to Hidan, and when I looked back at the sky the colors were back to normal. I cursed. I didn't even use that much power!


	12. 1 Month Earlier: Heartbreak Never Ends

_**1 Month 5 Days Earlier...**_

The hallucinations were getting more and more realistic as time went by. I closed my eyes and decided to ignore the fighting and let my staff disappear. I didn't need this. And it wasn't like Kakuzu and Hidan would lose. And soon the strange Jutsu Asuma had put on me would disappear.

I counted backwards from ten. Ten… nine… eight… eight… eight… what was that? I smelt lemongrass…

My eyes snapped open. The smell disappeared. I groaned. Again? I didn't even use my powers. I needed to get hold of myself. I started to count again. No hallucinations hindered me but it only made me feel angrier. As a last resort I fiddled with the ring on my finger. The calming one. It worked and a few minutes later I was better.

Hidan was approaching Asuma when I looked up next. He was preparing for the final blow. Right before he did that, Asuma moved up. I thought for sure I had knocked him out or something. He blocked him! He blocked my brother!

But it was too late. His scythe was moving behind Asuma, aiming to cut him from behind. I frowned. "Asuma…"

Why did I call that name out? I had no reason too! He ducked and I almost relaxed. But… it was wrong… Instead of hitting Asuma it hid Hidan, piercing him in the stomach. I bit my lip. It wasn't my brother I was concerned about.

Hidan laughed. "You fool! It's the same trap again!"

Asuma fell forward and I leaned forward, "n-no…" Standing up I refrained from jumping down. "No…"

Drip.

I looked down. That… it was wet. Was I imagining this? No… it was real. It was a tear. "Fuck… this fucking Jutsu… I don't want it…."

He was going to die. And for some reason that hurt me. If made me feel like I was dying. I wanted the Jutsu to go away! "Asuma…"

His eyes turned toward me and met mine. In that gaze, I read the same feeling from before. What was it? What was that?

"Well, how is it?" Hidan smirked. I wanted to slap him. I wanted to make him shut up. "How about here?"

"Asuma… no…" I gasped when Hidan raised his pole above his head. "NO!"

Just as I jumped down and cried out in unison with Shikamaru, Hidan plunged. Asuma's eyes clouded over, never leaving mine. And then he fell forward.

My breath hitched in my throat, my eyes wide and my mouth open. Tears wouldn't stop seeping from my eyes, into my mouth and down to the ground.

The jutsu wasn't gone. The jutsu that made my heart stop, ache, burn! As if it was breaking. "No…" I shook my head. My breath was still shaky. I took a step forward, and another. "No… no… no!"

I fell to my knees, tears pouring down my cheeks. "No… " He felt so far away but so close. My body ached for him… ached to touch him. To feel him… to hold him. "Asuma!"

A hand on my shoulder shook me from the trance. I looked up at my brother. "What the hell Calista?"

"what is this Jutsu!" I shouted to the others. "Get it off! Get rid of it! I'll kill you all! Make it stop! I'll kill you!"

It didn't stop, nor did the tears. "Please… make it stop… I'm begging you… make it stop!"

Hidan looked away,

My hand wound in with the fabric of the Akatsuki cloak right over my heart. "Hidan… make it stop… please." He put a hand on my shoulder and I leant against his leg, closing my eyes. "Make it stop…"

In his eyes he almost held compassion, gritting his teeth. I opened my eyes and looked at the scene in front of me. This was wrong… every part of it…

"Hurry it up Kakuzu." Hidan hollered.

"Just give me a minute." Hidan squeezed the necks of the two Shinobi next to him even harder.

"You.. son of a bitch." Shikamaru rose, his body as shaky as my breathing, looking at Hidan. "You're gonna pay for that!"

"No!" I shouted, summoning my pole back and forcing him to block it with his arms, holding it the long way. I shoved him back. He was too weak to put up a fight. With tear-stained eyes I looked at him, lying on the ground. No more… I didn't want to see any more. "Stop…"

Suddenly a feather fell in front of me. Was this another hallucination? Probably. I ignored the growing number and the crows until Hidan complained about them. "Whats this? Do you really think you can beat me with a flock of crows?"

So they were real. I swatted a few away with my staff. They kept coming. I frowned, ignoring them and focusing on Shikamaru. But a sight near Kakuzu made me gasp. Someone had snuck through us and aimed a black sword at his head. He moved it to the side and dodged easily. It forced him to let go of the two ninja though.

Another ninja appeared and grabbed Asuma. A fluffly one with a lots of hair. A girl in a rather revealing purple uniform patted Shikamaru on the back.

Reinforcements! I glared as they moved away. Who were they?

"Shikamaru is that…" The purple one trailed off, looking at me and my cloak.

"She's with them. Don't let your guard down. She's the same as them." His fists were clenched.

I didn't feel like thinking about it. I didn't feel like much of anything. I walked back next to my brother. He put a hand back on my shoulder, grabbing it tightly, but not too tight. "Stupid birds." He hissed as they advanced on us. The three of us moved back.

"Reinforcements." Hidan hissed as a white cloud surrounded us.

"We need his body. Come Calista."

"Kakuzu you fool sh-"

"Come." He interrupted us.

I went obediently, appearing with Kakuzu on the roof. Unlike him I stayed back a few feet, letting him do the talking.

"Calista!" Shikamaru shouted angrily. "How could you do this? How could you let this happen! You loved him!"

I narrowed my eyes. "Stop! Stop with that Jutsu! Was it you? Are you the one doing it?" I took a step forward, grabbing my cloak in front of my heart. "If I have to kill you to get rid of it I will!"

"Calista." Kakuzu held out his arm. I stopped and looked away. Kakuzu turned his attention back to the four. "I'm not giving up my bounty."

"Is that right?" Shikamaru gripped his pant legs tight.

Another man leapt in front of us. "Take Asuma and get out of here now! We'll keep these two busy."

When he charged I knew my place. I clapped my hands together and a metal wall Appeared in front of me. I lept over it as it disappeared, attacking from above the unsuspecting ninja. My staff appeared and I used it to try and assault him. His Taijutsu was not bad. He blocked that I threw at him. Eventually I let the staff disappear and just used my hands. Blocking a kick, punch, returning with my own, block, attack, pivot, twist, attack, pivot, attack, kick, and so on.

Just as I was attacking a voice inside my head rang out: "We're sealing the two tails. Return at once. This is top priority.

I jumped back. "Yes sir." I said allowed. Hidan complained but Kakuzu shut him off.

We rejoined Hidan on the ground. "We'll be back in no time. So prepare yourselves."

I turned around, looking back behind me one last time. I met eyes with Shikamaru's.

The jutsu did not disappear. I knew that it was a permanent one. This ache of the heart… so blinding and hard. I would do anything to make it stop. Whatever it was.


	13. 1 Month Earlier: A Gift Wrapped in Black

_**1 Month Earlier...**_

"Hey brother?" I asked, sitting on a large rock near a river and looking down my black and red cloak. "Do you think I should let off of the meat a lil?"

We had just finished sealing the two tails, and had yet to head back to the village to collect the body and capture the Jinchuuriki. Kakuzu had left for a minute, probably to relieve himself.

Hidan turned his head lazily towards me. He was laying down on the rock, looking up at the sky. "Why?"

"I think I'm getting fat."

Hidan groaned and sat up. "You're turning into one of those girly pussies aren't ya?"

I shot him a glare. "No! I wouldn't mind if it was muscle! But this is fat! And it's on my stomach!"

"It's no surprise. You eat like a fat pig!" Hidan laughed at my expense.

"Shutup you stupid head!" I stood up and stomped up to him, looking down at him.

"What! It's true! Maybe if you worked out more you wouldn't be in that condition!"

"Hidan! Look!" I pulled my cloak up. Beneath it were a pair of black sweats and a plain black long sleeved sweatshirt. Pulling that up a bit you could see a bump on my stomach. It was small, but you could see it clearly from the side. The cloak hid most of it but it was still there. You could definitely feel it. Hidan did just that, sticking his hand on my stomach and pinching it.

"Ouch! That hurt!"

"Eh! You really are getting fat!"

"SHUTUP!" I shouted angrily.

"what are you two doing now?" Kakuzu walked up to the two of us, looking at my stomach.

"Ey look at this Kakuzu! My sister got lazy and fat!"

I hit him on the head. "Shut up! Kakuzu! Tell him it's normal to have a little fat!"

Kakuzu had no verbal input, but his stance made it obvious there was something he knew that I didn't. When he walked up to me and put his hand inside of my cloak I tilted my head to the side.

"Ey what do you think yer doing Kakuzu! Don't put the moves on my sister!"

"Shutup you Imbecile!" Kakuzu snapped back. His hand was on my stomach. For a second he remained that way. Then his hand moved back. "Shit."

"Eh? What's that about?" I walked in front of him.

"You aren't coming with us to Konoha." He said flatly.

Hidan stood up. "What gives you the right to make that sort of a decision on your own?"

Something was wrong… "Kakuzu… what is it?"

"Your sister isn't fat."

"Told you Hidan!" I stuck out my tongue. "This fluff is normal for a girl of my age!"

"That's not it either, fool."

I blinked. Huh?

"That…" For the first time Kakuzu seemed to be at a loss for words. "It is probable that you are pregnant. Your athletic nature could make it less noticeable than it would have been on a domestic woman."

Hidan and I looked at him, then at each other, and then we laughed. I held onto my stomach it hurt so much. "Oh my god Kakuzu you almost had me there. I didn't know you could joke."

"He thinks you really are a cocksucker!" Hidan pointed.

"Idiots." Kakuzu was not laughing. I straightened up.

"Kakuzu. It's funny. You got us." Hidan smirked, standing and walking a few feet down the path.

"I was not joking. When was the last time you had your monthly event."

I tilted my head. "My wha?"

"The bleeding…"

"Bleeding?"

"From down there…"

I widened my eyes. "Why the hell would I bleed from down there? That's creepy!"

Hidan wasn't laughing any more. He was staring at my stomach.

"You.. you can't be serious! How can I be pregnant if I don't remember being with someone!" And then it hit me. I didn't _remember. _No… "But… but… who? How? What? When? Where?" A sick feeling rose in my stomach. What if it was one of the men in that campground?

Kakuzu and Hidan exchanged a glance.

"What aren't you telling me?" I glared.

"I don't know whose it is. I can get rid of it though." Kakuzu's fist turned black.

"N-no!" I shouted without thinking.

"Eh?" Hidan looked between the two of us. "Don't ya wanna get rid of a bastard child?"

I looked down. "I…" A child? My legs got too heavy to keep upright and I sat down. Me… with a child. It didn't seem possible. How could I bring a child into this world. How could I be expected to be a mother? I was only 17! And I was an S rank criminal at that! If I had a child they would die… they would be hunted like me!

But to outright kill… to kill a child. "It's too cruel…" I laid back. "I can't believe this.."

"Well this fucking messes things up!" Hidan groaned.

"I… I won't go with you to Konoha then… I'll stay here and wait for you." My voice was solid, but my resolve was wavering. "If I really am… well you know… then I don't want to risk injury… I can just train a little while you're gone. And then we can decide what to do…"

"Fine. Lets go." Kakuzu was already moving out.

Hidan lingered, walking up and sitting beside me. In a hesitant notion he stuck his hand on my stomach again. "Ey, he better be just like me."

I laughed. "Oh god, I would have the hardest time raising him if he was!"

"Heh, you'd be lucky!" Hidan countered.

"Eh? Lucky my ass!"

Hidan rolled his eyes. "Don't push your luck. Bitch."

I smiled down at my stomach. "It's… shocking eh? I don't even know who the dad is."

Hidan did something then that I never expected. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and held me to him. "That's what big bros are for."

"Stay safe Hidan."

"Eh? Do you think your awesome brother could possibly be taken down by some Konoha punks?" He rubbed my head.

I giggled. "Of course not. Just be smart. I won't be there to watch your back now! Watch out for the spiky headed Ninja especially. And don't get ahead of yourself or yo-"

"Or I'll wind up dead. I got it I got it!" He groaned.

I sighed against his chest. "Hidan… I'll see you when you get back."

"Just focus on training. And don't do anything to endanger my nephew!" The emotional stuff was hard for Hidan to deal with. He pushed me away and stood up. "Later Calista-Chan."

"Goodbye Hidan…"

The wind blew around me as he walked away, whipping my hair in all directions. An eerie feeling filled my soul. A pale hand extended as if to stop him, one that I didn't notice was mine at first. What was going on? Why did it feel odd to let him go like that?

_"Stay safe Hidan… stay safe for your little sister. Who loves you…"_

My whisper was lost in the wind as I turned away and towards the water. I wouldn't let myself dwell. I had training to do.

* * *

><p>So if you refer back to chapter 3 I'm sure you'll recognize the ending of this. FORESHADOW!<p> 


	14. 2 Weeks Earlier: Don't Let Go

**PRESENT DAY**

"Call Sakura. Now." Commanded Inoichi, his voice thick with emotion.

"W-"

"No time to explain. Just get her here, now." Inoichi interrupted Ibiki.

"I understand."

I heard the door shut, signaling that Ibiki was gone. My eyes were shut tight.

"Not real." I said. Not a statement. A wish.

* * *

><p><strong>Two weeks earlier...<strong>

It took two days after my brother left until I got word. Two days of sitting atop a boulder and humming to myself, wondering which of these newfound strange visions were real, and which were fake.

The word did not come from Hidan. Or even Kakuzu. From the ground a green and white figure rose.

And his words changed the course of my life.

"Hidan and Kakuzu have fallen. You will be assigned a new partner." Said Zetsu.

My heart stopped.

"T-that's not a funny joke Zetsu. Stop it."

"We have an extraction soon. You're expected to be there, filling in your comrade's spot." He continued.

"Stop it. Stop it right now Zetsu! Stop with this joke!" I lunged for Zetsu, but he disappeared into the ground before I could reach him. "NO! ZETSU! ZETSU NO YOU STOP IT RIGHT NOW!"

Why did he say that? What was his motive? Was this a test? It had to be. There was no way Hidan could die. He was my brother. He had a reason to live! He… he didn't deserve to die. Did he? He did horrible things yes, but he had done such amazing things too. Like saving me.

I screamed for zetsu to come back over and over again, pounding at the ground until the mud splashing up coated my face. There I collapsed.

"It can't be… He couldn't have died."

But I knew something was very, very wrong. I got to my feet. _It can't be. _I thought to myself, walking automatically in the direction of Konoha.

My walk soon turned into a run. And I didn't stop. Through the rain, ignoring villagers who spotted the Akatsuki cloak, ignoring the obvious trail I was leaving. But I was moving slow, so very slowly. Fatigue, my newfound condition, and the weather was halting my proceedings. Eventually I had to stop at a cave and take rest.

Sitting and waiting for the rain to slow, I twirled the ring on my finger, thinking, brooding.

Hidan hadn't contacted me. There was no bird with a message, no sign of him. I felt empty of sorts.

There was one way I could find out for sure what had happened to him. I could ask the ninja he fought. I was going to Konoha for an unknown reason before, but right then, I had a rough plan.

And as I placed a hand on my stomach I felt so, so very guilty.

"I'm so sorry little baby, we might not return from this. But maybe, we can be together with oniichan in another life. The three of us can be reborn together. Wouldn't that be nice."

"Mika. That's what I'll name you. Or if you're a boy, Hidan. After your uncle. I hope you don't hate me."

Any further thoughts were unwanted. I stood and wiped rain off my face and continued on for two more days, going at a slow speed but gaining ground. Eventually the tree's turned into thick furs and deer and rabbits appeared. Something was guiding my feet, telling me just where the village was.

To be honest, I thought that by now, I'd have had at least one encounter with a ninja. There was no explination I could think of for their absence. There was no way they'd missed me.

The answer came to her later that very same day, running through the tree's I lost my footing when a Kunai was thrown at me. As I fell, such an intense fear and need to protect my stomach arose that instead of landing on the ground on my feet, I hit my shoulder hard. Luckily, there was no damage done. I hopped up, looking around.

From the trees a figure appeared, followed by another, and another, and another. Soon there were four Ninja. The same red headed kid from before, the brown haired one who'd been at the scene when Asuma died, a blonde with whiskers, and a girl with pupiless purple eyes.

It became immediately apparent that they were no ordinary ninja. This would explain why it took three days of travel to get someone on my tail. It would be suicide to send regular rank ninja after the Akatsuki, even after their weakest member.

I didn't feel afraid. Only relief at not having to run anymore, at getting my questions answered.

Or perhaps that was false. There was a fear of the truth. While traveling it was easy to distract myself. I could be in denial. What would I do after this? What if I was defeated? If they really had brought Kakuzu and Hidan down, I stood no chance. Though, perhaps it would be better to die than be alone. Hidan would have killed me for that thought

"You," I whispered, looking at Shikamaru only. He was clenching and unclenching his fists. "You can answer my question can't you?"

He glared on with hate that could scald. "I killed him. Like you killed Asuma."

His eyes matched Calista's. Revenge.

What a vicious cycle revenge was. Hidan killed Asuma. Shikamaru killed Hidan. Right then, if Shikamaru was telling the truth, I wished nothing more than to kill him.

But there was still a chance that he was lying… a chance to remain in denial. "You lie."

"Calista…" the blonde rubbed the back of his head. "I don't know what's going on, but it- I mean this all can't be true. You couldn't have hurt Asuma. It was a mistake right?"

I didn't even glance at him. The only one I saw, was Shikamaru.

His face, though contorted by rage, held no lie.

So I launched, with a wooden staff in hand. There was no strategy. Shikamaru was just as fast, blocking my attack with a kunai and retaliating.

The way we moved, was so in sync. It was as if we were taught Taijutsu together, with the same strategy and moves. The variations in our styles were insignificant.

"YOU LIE! YOU COULDN'T HAVE KILLED HIM!" I cried.

"I MADE SURE HE SUFFERED, AS YOU MADE ASUMA SUFFER!"

Naruto, Hinata, and Gaara watched on with weary eyes, none wanting to intervene.

I couldn't take Shikamaru's taunts. "I'll kill you!" I swore, bringing weapon after weapon after him. The fight had switched to Jutsu now. There didn't seem to be a break in his defence until- there. I aimed to hit his exposed left side with a newly fashioned sword.

"Switch." Shikamaru yelled. And it became apparent that his opening was left on purpose.

Another person interrupted my aim. Before me now was the pupiless girl. With a strong hand, she pushed me back. It began again. I was not thinking. At times, it felt like I wasn't in her body. My senses were slowly being overloaded with things that weren't real. My vision was changing and I had to focus solely on the girl to see and know what was real. I was losing my mind again.

"Switch!" Hinata called after I delivered a nasty gouge to her leg.

Now Naruto was in front of me. I leapt back, something telling me to be wary of this man. My senses were becoming more and more skewed.

"I don't know what to think anymore Calista, so I'm not going to try. I'm just going to defeat you and take you back home!" He declared.

_Home _I thought. It felt like my body was floating on clouds. _what is home? I've never had one._

_Home was with my brother. They killed my brother. _

Naruto was the hardest to fight. The hardest to get a leg up on. He was stronger than the others. I spotted his clone running forward with a little blue orb of light seconds before it would have hit me in the stomach. Panic inhibited my abilities. I turned, shielding my stomach once more, and letting my shoulder take the hit. I was sent backwards, Naruto was stunned by the hit.

"Calista!" He hollered, clearly concerned.

I stood up, my shoulder hanging at a weird angle.

I didn't see them. I didn't see anything at all. It was black. My body was moving, I was sure. But I didn't know how. In this black abyss there was finally piece. Whatever was controlling my body felt so, so nice. It was wonderfull to have the strain off of myself. Something else could do all the work for me.

Then through the black, something reached me. Something warm and gritty. It wrapped around my body, caressing it. I felt comfortable, blissfull. I focused on that feeling. It was very, very real.

"Calista"

The sound reached me through the black. I felt like I was being caressed by it even more than the gritty substance around my body. It calmed me completely. I focused on listening to it getting louder and louder.

"Calista…" It whispered again.

The gritty substance, the voice. They were real.

Then a smell entered the darkness. Lemongrass. It was overwhelming but of all the things, it was the most lovely.

The sound of my name called by a familiar voice. The feeling of something warm against my skin. The smell of lemongrass. I focused only on those.

And suddenly I had eyes. I had a nose and hands and I could feel my own body again. I opened my eyes, meeting familiar blues.

_Naruto… _I thought as thought I'd known the name my whole life. For a moment it didn't seem foreign. But that moment passed swiftly. He was holding onto my shoulders.

There was sand wrapped around my body and his hands, in an iron grip but not uncomfortably.

"Don't you remember me?" Naruto asked. "Don't you remember all of us? REMEMBER CALISTA!"

I shook my head. What had I forgotten? What did I need to remember? There was something nagging me.

"Remember! Do you remember training with me, how you said you'd one day be as strong as me?" Naruto asked.

I shook my head. It couldn't be. I was confused still. That was all.

"You have to! Remember when, when we went shopping? When Hinata and you made cookies for me in the hospital? "

I glanced at Hinata.

_T-t-the color yellow! We should make the f-frosting Yellow! No reason! It's j-just really pretty! There's no other r-reason…_

I blinked. Hinata's mouth hadn't moved, but was sure she spoke…

"Remember playing that stupid board game with Shikamaru and when you flipped the board?"

_What a drag. This is why girls are no fun to play with._

Calista looked at Shikamaru. There it was, again!

"Don't you remember? We had so much together Calista! HOW CAN YOU FORGET! How can you forget Gaara! That's too horrible of you. Too selfish of you to forget him Calista!"

Gaara stepped forward now. He reached out timidly, before touching my cheek.

I felt tears spring to my eyes for no reason. "Do you remember when you told me you loved me? When you ran after me?"

_I don't need you to say anything but one word. Say Yes._

The ears fell and he wiped them away. "No… no… I don't want to remember Gaara."

"There's no lie Calista. You need to remember."

"NO! NO!"

"Remember. Remember playing with Kiyo and Shou. Remember the nights we spent alone. Remember me getting mad at Kiyo for stealing my spot. Remember the ring I got you. The ring you still wear. Remember how much you l-"

"NO! NO! NO!" I was screaming now, trying to block out the memories from returning.

"I DON'T WANT TO R-"

Gaara cut me off. His lips were on mine, his arms around me.

I widened my eyes. It felt so familiar, so warm. I didn't want it to stop. My eyes slowly lowered, and as he pulled away, I knew one thing was certain. Those lips, had been on mine before. Never had I been so sure of something. The way my heart sped up was natural.

The next time my eyes opened, I saw faces that looked familiar. In my mind there was a wall blocking out something important. And with every word they spoke, a part of it was being chipped away.

"Don't discrage Asuma by not remembering him Calista. You need to take responsibility."

Another chip.

"Y-you were a lot of fun to be around Calista. I r-r-really liked it when you were in the village. When you c-cooked with me. Hinata stuttered.

Another chip.

"You were my friend Calista. Kakashi and I, we thought of you as family. So did Jiraiya." Said Naruto.

Another chip.

Gaara pressed his forehead against mine. "I love you. It's time for you to remember that."

The wall shattered. I gasped. It all came back to me. Living in the leaf. The fun I had with Jiraiya, Sasuke, Hinata, Naruto, Neji, Ino, Choji, Lee, Tenten, Ibiki, Inoichi, and so many more.

And Asuma.

I gasped. Asuma. How I had loved him and how my first experience had been with him. How even though we weren't meant to be I never regretted the time we'd shared. I remembered Gaara. How I loved him. All the pain and all the good. Shou and Kiyo. And then the mission gone bad.

I couldn't handle it. All the pain and regret. Asuma's death followed by my brother. It hurt so, so much.

"Gaara." I hissed through the mental agony.

"Calista." He looked so relieved.

"I might loose my mind now. I feel it coming."

"What do you mean?" He rubbed my cheeks and I closed my eyes.

I had no time to explain. The tingling of insanity was close approaching. Shikamaru had released his Jutsu. I placed a hand over Gaara's "Don't, don't let go of me."

And he didn't. As the darkness came, I held on to the feeling of his arms around me.

The next time I woke up however, Gaara was nowhere to be found. I was in a cell, in the deepest parts of Konoha. Where I couldn't hurt anyone. Where it was best.

Where I cried, and I cried, and I cried for the pain of it. The wrongs I had done. They could do whatever they wished. It was my punishment to bear.

I could never right the wrongs I had committed. I could never bring Asuma back.

And that negative energy was the only thing I could be sure of while the insanity took hold. I didn't fight it, or try and keep it back. I embraced it, hoping maybe it could dull the guilt.

It never did.


	15. Present Day: Mika

**Present day**

* * *

><p>It was done. Mentally, I was exhausted. Inoichi looked about out of Chakra himself. Now I was too shamed to face him. Wanting this to be a fake vision, my eyes stayed shut tight and I tried to picture myself in a happier place. But that made things worse.<p>

Lemongrass floated to my nose and I shot my eyes open. But of course Gaara wasn't there. He was in the Sand as he should be. Him taking the time off to go on a mission with the leaf was chaotic enough. In the Shinobi world, love came last.

Could he even still love me?

_Never_

His voice had come to me in a hallucination before. Always it was whispering such terrible things. Dark thoughts that had came from somewhere. That came from me.

At least the hallucinations were coming back. Soon I would be able to slip away into my game and distract myself.

I was removed from the machine, and felt myself being picked up. Still, my mind was clear enough from the memory search to know what was real. I had no hope that it would stay that way.

I was being moved. My eyes closed. Whoever was carrying me had an unfamiliar scent. I didn't know them.

Then I was set down. I allowed my eyes to open.

White.

Not black stone, but white. It was not a vision.

To the left of me there was a window with an empty vase. No bars on the window. To the right, a nightstand and a door, not a sliding cell wall that drained Chakra.

The only bars were on the bed. I was in the hospital for some reason.

I clutched the blankets close. Why? Why was I there?

I was sure that there were strong ninja on guard right now, perhaps even Kakashi or Guy. I didn't want to see anyone from the leaf. Maybe one person, but he would never want to face me again.

Shikamaru. We had both taken from one another something very important. Even since recovering my memories I could not hate Hidan. Yes he was a horrible person now. But yes he had done wonderful things for me. That did not change.

And from Shikamaru, I had stolen his mentor. In a way Asuma was more than his mentor. A second Father and best friend.

My eyes closed again. In came the sound of the ocean.

There it was. The fake senses. My familiar place.

A door opened. Fake.

Footsteps. Fake.

"C-Calista?" Said a very mild, timid voice.

Perhaps it was real. I opened my eyes.

Sakura stood in the middle of the room, with bluebirds circling her. The bluebirds were fake but she seemed very, very real.

"Why?" I asked.

"Er, what?" She asked.

She seemed so unsure of herself. Nervous. At first I thought fear, but remembered this was Sakura I was thinking about. At least, the Sakura I remembered wouldn't be afraid of me. She had defeated a member of the Akatsuki before.

"They said I could take care of you, instead of a stranger." She smiled politely.

There was something missing but I did not want to pry.

"Why am I still alive?"

"W-well, you're injuries weren't life th-"

"No." I interrupted. "Why have I not been sentenced for execution?"

Sakura's face softened. "I'll let you talk to Jiraiya about that. Don't worry. I'm sure everything will be fine. We won't let anything happen."

Who was that 'we' she spoke of? Ino, Choji, and Shikamaru would never stand by me again. Nobody who knew Asuma would. Probably Naruto, that big headed fool. Hinata, because she was too kind to think otherwise. And Sakura. Three people couldn't defend me against Five Nations.

"Inoichi, he told me about your mind. How it's off. How you can see things that aren't there. I think he was hoping there was something I could do. But I'm not experienced enough for it. I was thinking of talking to Tsunade."

I didn't respond. I was tired, and the bed was so, so comfortable. I closed my eyes.

Something wet and soft touched my cheek. It rubbed, and then moved down. I felt the clothes I had being tenderly removed. When did I become so helpless? I raised a hand and it felt incredibly heavy.

"Something wrong?" Asked Sakura.

I opened my eyes and stared into hers. She stopped moving the sponge for a brief second.

"My head, it's still relatively clear."

"That's god." She smiled.

"But it won't be for long." I watched her smile drop. "I know why they sent you. Can you… while I am still aware… can you?"

Sakura swallowed, but nodded. She set the sponge back into a washbin and scrunched up her nose in concentration.

Her hands moved over my stomach and I felt a cool breeze.

She stayed still for minutes, eyes closed.

And the answer was coming to me. Sakura was a skilled ninja. She should be able to tell in a matter of seconds.

Her lips trembled and a tear squeezed out of the corner of her eyes.

"Enough…" I placed my hand on hers. "That's enough."

She opened her eyes.

I tried not to cry. That was all I did anymore. But my breath became ragged with the effort, my eyes hurt. My chest shook with every intake and I let out a wail.

I pressed my palms into my eyes, gritting my teeth.

Sakura did not say anything. Her tears fell on my bare chest as she hugged me.

It shouldn't have hurt so much. I knew this had happened, I was positive I had already apologized to Mika but to know she was really gone? Worse, I knew who's child she had been.

"Mika…" I whispered. "I'm so sorry. Mika. I'm so sorry."

Sakura held onto me. Her sorrow was my sorrow. Despite the time spent apart, she was still able to cry with me over Mika's lost life.

I don't remember falling asleep. Sakura left sometime then. She had finished washing me and dressed me in a clean hospital gown. Or she had let someone else do it. I woke to the sun rising. My vase now had little bouquet.

The visions were back in full now, with the dark energy from the previous day had drawn it out stronger than before.

The door opened and I turned my head. Jiraiya stood there. But he had been to visit a dozen times in my hallucinations.

"Not real." I sighed.

"Real." He corrected.

I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to focus. It was hard to tell the difference between real and fake. Jiraiya probably wouldn't come and visit. It was safer to assume his fake status.

He pulled up a chair and sat beside me. He sighed heavily. "Why didn't you tell them in the beginning Calista? That you purged your memories?"

"Not real. Not real." I mumbled, closing my eyes.

He touched my cheek. "Real."

"Real." I opened my eyes.

"Tsunade tried to stop it. Ibiki, Inoichi, they didn't want to hurt you. But, friendship takes second place in the Shinobi world." He didn't seem to agree with that statement. "The council, along with three other nations called for your execution. Our own Lord is involved."

"Not real."

"Real." He said. "How did this happen?"

I looked at him. "Stop. You aren't real Jiraiya. Please, go away."

But Hallucinations never listen.

"I want to hear your story." He said. "I'm not going away. I'm real."

"I already told it to you." I said. "Ten minutes ago. You… you were with Gaara though."

Hurt flashed through his eyes. "I'd like to hear it again."

"I'm tired Jiraiya. I'm so tired."

"I know. You can sleep after this. For as long as you want."

That sounded very nice. I looked up at the sun, shining bright blue like always. "You probably heard it from Inoichi. I don't think he'd lie Jiraiya."

"I did. Why didn't you tell them about the memories?"

"Imagined if you'd killed dozens of priests. If you killed innocent citizens. Not on a mission. Just… because you could. Imagine if Tsunade died. And you were there and you helped kill her. How would you feel if suddenly, you remembered what you and Tsunade were? If you knew you could have saved her but instead you killed her. How would you feel?"

No answer.

"You would want to die. You would want to be tortured and executed. But you'd know that even then- even then you couldn't pay for it. The whole village would hate you."

"You took it… as punishment?"

"I wanted it."

"You didn't rem-"

"No. I felt it. When Asuma died, I felt the pain. My heart felt like it was going to rip apart. But I did nothing. That's the worst. I would do anything to atone for my sins. I would die… I want to."

"Oi! Don't you say that Calista."

I looked away. The sun had changed into a pleasant purple.

"But… I'm going to. Aren't I?"

There was no answer. Not even a Hallucination could decide this matter.

"I'm tired now Jiraiya. You said I could sleep."

"Sleep well Calista." He said, standing.


End file.
